


Lesson 4: Secrets

by betsib, sandorara



Series: Students of Light [4]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Dark Past, Friendship, M/M, Past Abuse, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:29:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 22,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25590613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/betsib/pseuds/betsib, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandorara/pseuds/sandorara
Summary: Two miqo'te start their second year as roommates at the university of Ul'dah. G'yozah spends his time unraveling the secrets of magic with his professor and boyfriend, and T'oast isn't looking for love. He really isn't.
Relationships: Hien Rijin/Warrior of Light, Warrior of Light & Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), X'rhun Tia/Warrior of Light
Series: Students of Light [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1290332
Comments: 8
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The self-indulgent saga continues!

The train slowed down, eventually coming to a halt, and all three of them got off as soon as the doors opened. Technically there was no rush, as the train would not continue any further than Horizon, but G’yozah was excited and neither T’oast nor X’rhun seemed to mind enough to slow him down.

Locating the bus that would take them further was easy, as the stop was completely packed with other people clearly aiming for the same goal, carrying everything from picnic baskets to massive floating equipment in the wildest of colours. It was doubtful that all these people would even fit into the first bus that arrived.

”I can’t believe they’ve never continued that train track all the way to Vesper Bay,” T’oast commented next to him. "This is bullshit."

”I’ve heard there’s a political reason,” X’rhun commented, and T’oast muttered something that sounded like ”I don’t care.”

”It’s not that long a bus ride,” G’yozah pointed out, still smiling from the entire concept of going to the beach with T’oast and X’rhun. ”We’ll be fine.”

They, of course, were not fine.

It was the weekend before schools and university classes started, and absolutely everyone seemed to have decided to take one last trip to the beach. Two full busses passed. The third bus to arrive was finally one they could board, and even then it had been a tight fit. In addition, the bus smelled horrid. A smell it felt safer not to even try to place.

”It’s not that long a bus ride,” G’yozah had repeated again, but even he could tell the conviction in his voice was gone. And it crumbled even further in that instance, as a choir of screaming babies started performing.

When they finally arrived, it was already well past noon, and G’yozah felt way more exhausted than acceptable.

”I’m never doing that again,” T’oast muttered to his right, and G’yozah let out a small laugh. 

”Just on the way back.”

”I will just remain here until the beach season is over. It’s only a few days until classes start. I can camp until then.”

G’yozah looked to his other side then, and found X’rhun with a soft smile on his lips.The terrible journey seemed to fade from memory with that smile alone.

***

T’oast retreated the moment he saw that _look_ on G’yozah’s face. He had spent a lot of time accompanying G’yozah to parties, he was pretty good at telling at what point he became a third wheel. It was a bit different with X’rhun, of course, but T’oast found it safer to retreat anyway. He did _not_ want a repeat of that _incident_ from last autumn, thank you very much.

T’oast walked around for a bit, looking for a bit of solitude, but the beach was full of people: families with children running around screaming, young people drinking and dancing, old people sunbathing dressed in larger hats than X’rhun. People were enjoying the sunny weather and ocean breeze, not paying a lot of attention to the surroundings.

Easy pickings, the lot of them.

T'oast shook his head, pushing the thought away. He remembered a summer like this one, travelling to Costa Del Sol with some of the other gang members, for some “fun”. Which meant grabbing wallets and car keys. T’oast had stolen the keys to an actual vintage Regalia that summer. C’nihimi had told T’oast he was proud of him. Weirdly, it still felt like a good memory.

He looked over the ocean, feeling the salty breeze in his nostrils. He hadn’t been close to the sea in ages, but it felt a little bit like coming home. He would likely never return to Vylbrand but the sea felt the same here. Vast and eternal, but welcoming.

T’oast carelessly threw off his shirt and walked into the water. It was a bit colder than expected, but he’d get used to it soon enough. As soon as he got deep enough he let the sea engulf him. The cool water surrounding him entirely felt amazing. He briefly breached the surface to take a deep breath, then dove under again, swimming underwater, looking at what little sea life he could see. He kinda wished he had brought goggles.

He swam around for a while, going back up for air whenever he needed it. It felt like he used to be able to hold his breath much longer, but he supposed he was out of practice. Still, he was completely caught up in enjoying the dive.

Which is why he forgot to check his surroundings when he went up for air again.

His head collided with something hard before he reached the surface, and he heard a yelp, filtered through the water. T’oast swallowed water in surprise, trying to get his bearings again and find a way to the surface. His lungs burned from the need to cough, and he could feel the panic rise. 

Finally, he breached the surface, struggling to keep himself afloat while coughing out the water from his lungs. He felt someone grab him and help keep him up, but he was too busy coughing to look at the unfortunate soul he had collided with.

“Easy there, I’ve got you,” a warm, deep voice said reassuringly. T’oast spent another few minutes coughing before he was well enough to float on his own. 

“I’m so sorry, I should have been more careful,” T’oast said, starting to turn around. The first thing he saw was a pair of ridiculously well toned arms, still helping to hold him up. The guy they belonged to had broad shoulders, long dark hair and a sunny smile. There was a scar cutting through one of his eyebrows, but he was handsome, in a rough kind of way. Doman or Hingan, T’oast wasn’t sure.

 _If I was pre-X’rhun G’yozah, I would make a move,_ T’oast thought, before dismissing it. He was not G’yozah, and accidentally attacking someone from underwater like a confused shark and then proceeding to cough your lungs out didn’t make for a great first impression.

“Are you feeling better?” the guy asked, and T’oast nodded.

“Yes, thank you for your help,” he said. “Sorry again for, you know, hitting you.”

The guy laughed, a bright laugh that lit up his features even more. “I confess, when people warned me there might be dangerous creatures further out from the beach, this was not what I expected.”

T’oast gave him a sheepish grin. “Never saw the rare underwater miqo’te and their feared headbutt coming, huh?”

“It would seem I still have much to learn about Thanalan,” the guy said. He started slowly swimming towards a nearby rock, and T’oast cautiously followed. The rock was easy to get up on, and they both sat down, legs still in the sea. T’oast was thankful to sit down, he still felt a bit off after all the coughing. 

The guy twisted his ponytail, letting the water drop down on the ground. He was dressed in a black t-shirt and a pair of yellow shorts, T’oast noticed. Like he had forgotten his swimwear but decided to go for it anyway. Both fabrics were soaked and clinging through his body, showing more than T’oast was prepared to see. Still, his eyes were drawn to the guy’s face as he smiled. 

“Anything else I should keep an eye out for?”

“Considering I’m out of the water, the worst danger has passed,” T’oast shrugged. “There are some purple crabs you might want to keep your toes away from, and the blue octopi can grow pretty large, but they usually don’t attack people.”

“Not exactly the hair raising stories I was hoping for,” the guy said with a laugh. It was a joke, but T’oast couldn’t help raising to the challenge.

“Well, there is a legend,” he said. “Further out, closer to Cape Westwind, there are titanic sawfish. They don’t come here because the crowds scare away prey, but they can grow large enough to make holes in the hull of smaller boats with their saws.”

The guy was giving him his full attention, so he continued. “Legend says there’s one that grew so large it started sinking ships. _Pirate’s Bane_ , they called him, the king of all titanic sawfish. Generations of fishermen have tried to catch him, but none have succeeded. Most of them have never come back.” T’oast paused. “He’s still out here, somewhere. Maybe closer than we think.” 

The guy actually looked out over the water for a bit, before laughing. “A good tale. Where did you hear it?”

T’oast didn’t answer immediately, and the guy’s smile grew wider. “Or did you make it up just now?”

“No, it’s true. I swear,” T’oast laughed, not bothering to try and sound convincing, and the guy laughed harder.

They fell into a comfortable silence, and T’oast looked around to avoid staring at the guy. His eyes moved towards the beach, and he thought he could see a head of white hair in the crowd, followed by a brownish pink.

“ _Shit,_ my friends are probably wondering where I am,” T’oast said, getting on his feet. “I should get going. It was nice meeting you, and sorry again.”

“It’s okay, and likewise,” the guy said, then T’oast turned around and headed back into the water. He was halfway to the shore before he realized he had forgotten to ask the guy’s name.

***

“T’oast! There you are!” G’yozah exclaimed when he finally saw his friend making his way towards them, almost tripping over a small child rolling around in the sand. “I started to think you had abandoned us.”

T’oast gave a small laugh, shaking droplets out of his hair. He had gone swimming, apparently. 

“I could never,” T’oast said, almost absently as he looked back over the water. “Just lost track of time for a bit.”

“Did you have fun?”

“Not as fun as you did, I’m sure.”

X’ruhn coughed, and suddenly got very busy taking sandwiches out of the basket. T’oast wasn’t looking at him, however, he seemed preoccupied with looking back over the shore.

G’yozah frowned. “Looking for someone?”

T’oast sighed. “Yes and no. I just— I met someone.”

G’yozah’s ears perked up in excitement. “You _met_ someone?”

“Not like that,” T’oast said, shaking his head, but he seemed to be going a bit red. “I swam into someone, and we talked a bit. Forgot to ask his name.”

“Awh. Well if you see him feel free to invite him to eat with us,” G’yozah said. “Was he hot?”

“Not that it matters, but yes,” T’oast sighed. “He seemed nice.”

“Was he our age? Maybe you’ll run into him on campus,” G’yozah said.

T’oast nodded. “Maybe. Hard to tell. There was a beard.”

“Oh ho ho,” G’yozah grinned. “A beard, huh?”

“Shut up,” T’oast muttered. “Give me a sandwich.”

***

The year started the way they usually did. Before T’oast knew it he had mountains of homework, assignments and essays to finish. Maybe he was trying to take too many courses at the same time, but it would pay off in the future. He hoped.

Most of his days were spent at the university library of Ul'dah. T’oast didn’t mind, honestly. The library was one of T’oast’s favourite places in the whole city. It was a quiet place to work or research stuff, usually pretty empty except around exam time, and he could use the computers for free. Nobody bothered him until closing time. T’oast had always liked libraries. Even as a child, the libraries were the only place he could spend an entire day, safely relaxing without needing to pay a single gil. The university library didn’t quite have the cozines of the public libraries in Gridania, but T’oast still appreciated the nice and quiet atmosphere.

The area outside wasn’t always so peaceful, though. T’oast was just leaving the library to meet up with G’yozah after three hours of essay writing, head still full of medical research regarding an au ra blood disease, when he noticed a lalafell and two hyur crowding another student.

“You are lucky,” the lalafell was saying. “The Garleans are the most advanced country on the planet. If you Domans had had the intelligence to join freely, your country would be much richer now.”

“Doma is an independent country,” the crowded student said, sounding scared but defiant. 

“Pfft, it’s a matter of time,” one of the hyur spat. “Your government is full of Garlean puppets. They will hand the country over soon enough, and then you will see we were right.”

“The Rijin family would never—” the Doman said, but the other three just laughed, backing him even further into a corner.

“Like your little figurehead monarchy can stop it,” the lala said. “Money makes the world go around, and the Garleans have money.”

“Do they, really?” T’oast said, and all four of them turned around to look at him. Politics really wasn’t his strong suit, but he didn’t like the way they had gathered up on the poor Doman student. He’d dealt with his own share of bullies growing up, and he wasn’t just going to stay quiet.

“What are you on about?” the lalafell frowned. 

“If the Garleans really were as rich as you say, people wouldn’t be trying to leave,” T’oast shrugged.

“You’re talking about the refugees from Ala Mhigo,” one of the hyurs said, looking at T’oast with something akin to pity. “Well, actually, the refugees are mainly people who can’t bear their homeland being governed by other people, and criminals trying to escape the far more efficient Garlean legal system.”

“Not really, I was talking about people from the Garlemald mainland,” T’oast said, watching their eyes widen. “People come through Ala Mhigo, yes, cause the Gridanian border is wide and still relatively unprotected, but a fair number are people fleeing the income and social inequality in Garlemald proper.” 

He remembered them. Refugees were easy pickings for traffickers in general, and Garleans were attractive to the right buyers, used to follow orders, but more prideful than some of the other refugees. You had to be extra careful not to raise their suspicions. Few people would decline to help a crying child, though. 

T’oast resolutely pushed down the feelings for guilt to concentrate on the present.

“That’s preposterous,” the lalafell said. 

“Is it? I suggest you take a closer look at the records of refugees,” T’oast said. “Garlemald has a lot of problems of their own to fix before they are ready to govern anybody else. The failure in Ala Mhigo is proof of that.”

The lalafell blistered. “Why don’t you just go back to your dancehall and stay out of things you don’t understand, you—”

“Now don’t get personal, Bobbins,” one of the hyurs said, before turning to T’oast again. “It’s true that there are a lot of poor people in Garlemald, but it doesn’t change the fact that the Garleans control most of the world’s Ceruleum sources, and the wealth that comes with it.”

“ _If_ they should rule is irrelevant,” the other hyur smiled. “They _will_ rule both Doma and Ala Mhigo soon enough.”

T’oast really had no idea if that was true or not. 

“Oh, did I miss signing up for the fortune telling class?” an amused voice said behind T’oast. He looked around to see another Doman, taller than the first, with messy black hair up in a ponytail and wearing a yellow hoodie. He had a small, but very noticeable scar above his right eyebrow. T’oast recognized him instantly. It was the same guy he had swam into before the summer started.

“You again?” the lalafell said angrily at the newcomer, who just smiled at them all. The first Doman student took the opportunity to hide behind the newcomer.

“I was under the impression that the corrupted officials constitute less than half of the Doman government,” the beach guy said. “And the population at large are not exactly supporting them.”

“They will if they want to keep the lights on in their houses,” the hyur said. “Without Garlean ceruleum, no lights. Well see how much their independence weighs against that.”

“If they started leveraging ceruleum that blatantly to gain control over sovereign states, they’d soon be at war with the rest of the world,” the beach guy said mildly. “Eorzea may have stood by and watched the territory dispute that led to Ala Mhigo getting annexed, but they would not risk the Garleans using their ceruleum monopoly against them.”

The three Garlean supporters didn’t seem to be able to find a good answer for that. It seemed the beach guy had won the debate. For now, at least. They walked off, muttering to themselves.

“Sorry I was late,” the beach guy then said to the Doman student.

“No, no, it’s okay, I got some unexpected help,” the Doman student said nervously, bowing deeply to the man. T’oast had heard about Doman politeness, but it seemed a bit excessive. The student then turned towards T’oast. “Thank you.”

“Don’t worry about it,” T’oast smiled. “I think I was in over my head there.”

“I overheard some of it,” the beach guy said. “You made an excellent point.”

“Thanks, I guess,” T’oast laughed. “Anyway, I need to run. It was nice meeting you all.”

It didn’t occur to him he hadn’t introduced himself or asked their names until he was halfway to the dorm. That was probably rude of him, but he had already been late. And he’d forgotten to ask for that tall, muscly guy’s name _again_. 

G’yozah was waiting when he came back to their room. “You’re late. I’m dying of hunger, T’oast. _Starving_.”

“Sorry, getting that essay done took longer than expected,” T’oast said. “And I accidentally got dragged into a political debate on the way out.”

G’yozah laughed. “Of all the things,” he said. “Anyway, food, food food.”

“Food will come,” T’oast assured him with a smile. They headed towards the kitchen, and thoughts of ingredients and cooking times replaced thoughts of Garlemald and Doma and political machinations. The Doman with the scar and the ponytail stuck in his mind, though. If T’oast ever ran into him again, he would definitely ask for his name. For sure this time.

***

The glow hadn’t changed, but the medium floated a little higher this time, almost starting to turn a little, to straighten itself out. G’yozah grinned. He’d managed without any strong emotional explosions this time, and pride bubbled inside him. He turned to X’rhun, still grinning, and X’rhun was watching him intently, the red glow again making his eyes glimmer. 

“I think I’m learning!,” he said happily, and X’rhun nodded a smile on his lips. 

“It looks like it. This is— It’s so good, G’yozah.” He leaned back over his desk, making notes, and G’yozah found himself watching, the crystal medium still floating just an ilm above his hand. 

X’rhun’s ears were tilted forward in concentration, and he was biting on his upper lip. And every time his eyes moved to sneak a glance, G’yozah could see how bright they were. He was beautiful, so beautiful, and G’yozah didn’t know what power to thank for the coincidence that he was able to do this.

Able to help X’rhun with his work.

“I’ll still need more practice to get it to turn, I guess,” G’yozah mumbled, turning his eyes back to the crystal only to close them and concentrate further.

He could feel the small stream of … _aether_ , inside him, travelling down through his arms and into his hands, gathering around the crystal, He pushed on it, clinging to the feelings of pride and excitement. The stream felt a little stronger then, like it was speeding up, the tickling sensation becoming more noticable, so he kept pushing. 

“Is it turning?,” he asked without opening his eyes, but X’rhun stayed quiet. And then again, hands closed around his, X’rhun’s skin cool against how warm the aether made his own. 

“Don’t push yourself too much, G’yozah,” he said. “There’s no rush.” 

“I’m not, this is exciting,” he responded, smiling. X’rhun’s hands tightened around his.

“This is more than enough for now, please take a break. You’re— you’re shaking.”

G’yozah furrowed his brows then, and let his concentration slip just a little from the stream. The feeling of X’rhun’s hands grew stronger, and he realised the man was right, he was almost vibrating. But he felt like, if he just pushed a little more, he could maybe get just a little bit further again, maybe it would turn, or float a little higher. The aether was so tangible now, it didn’t feel worth giving up. He wanted to get to know it. So he pushed.

“G’yozah, please.” 

The hands let go suddenly, and heat spread to the skin they had covered right away, balancing out the warmth, almost like the aether had wanted to keep it warm all along. And then the arms closed around him, a chin landing on his shoulder, and his name said a few more times as he was pulled closer, so close, the feeling of X’rhun’s body against him familiar but— distracting. 

“Please.” X’rhun’s voice was right by his ear. “You did it, now please stop.”

And G’yozah opened his eyes suddenly, letting go of the aether as if dropping a heavy bag from a high building, with a crash. And all he could see was the medium, returning to its sideways position and landing heavy in his hands. 

It had— It had floated vertically.

He grinned, a laugh bubbling up inside him. “I did it!,” he exclaimed, and he could feel X’rhun nodding on his shoulder, those arms again giving him a squeeze. Only then did he notice how cold the air suddenly felt, and the shivers going up his spine, and how— how _wet_ he felt like he was covered in water. No, it was _sweat._ He looked down and his skin was glistening, his shirt almost drenched.

“I did it,” he whispered again. X’rhun’s arms let go of him, and only then did he notice how much he was shaking, how much his body wanted to just— fall down and rest, but he couldn’t. He was still holding the— 

And then the weight of the crystal was lifted from his hands, as X’rhun grabbed it, quickly but carefully placing it back in its case next to them. G'yozah took a deep breath, trying to calm his own heartbeat as X'rhun returned, wrapping his arm's around G'yozah's neck and holding him close. He was warm.

"Please don't push yourself so much," he repeated, and G'yozah could only hold onto him and mumble "I'm okay. It worked, right? It really turned."

"It did, but..." X'rhun pulled back just a little, enough to look at G'yozah, brows furrowed and concern obvious in his eyes. "Any mages of old would have had a lifetime of practice, G'yozah... And this is all— we don't know what will happen, how far you can push."

"It felt fine, I'm sure it'll get easier soon enough," he commented with a smile.

"It didn't look fine." X'rhun's forehead dropped on his shoulders, and his fingers dug into his back. "Magic is powerful, G'yozah— I—" He paused for a moment. "It's an unknown, I've studied it all my life yet I don't know anything. All my life and yet this was all new. I want to know, G'yozah, I do, I want to prove it, you know that..."

G'yozah nodded, and tightened his own arms around X'rhun, his hands having finally stopped their shaking, though he was still shivering from the now cold sweat covering his body.

"The thought of this magic hurting you is terrifying," X'rhun whispered eventually, and G'yozah smiled softly, feeling a little warmer.

"I'm sorry, I'll be more careful," he whispered back, and turned his head enough to place a light kiss on X'rhun's hair. "I promise."

***

Eorzea had been an interesting experience so far. Ul’dah was an old city, large and overpopulated with all the troubles that came with it. Corruption, crime, the rich abusing the poor, all that and more. Hien had already learned a lot about how a nation should _not_ be run. However, Ul’dah wasn’t without its charms.

It was easy to remain anonymous in a large city, even within the somewhat limited space of the university campus. Here, he was just another foreign student, often mistaken for Hingan. The only people who had recognized him were three Doman students, now friends of his. They understood that while his presence at the university wasn’t a secret, exactly, he prefered to remain a student like any other.

It had been incredibly freeing, walking around without worrying about reporters or how he represented his country in the public eye. Still, he was here for a reason, and couldn’t allow himself to get too distracted by the lure of being a normal student. If he was ever going to find a way to free his country from Garlemald’s influence, he needed to tread carefully and leave no path unexplored. So far, he had found nothing to help him apart from a few friends. He appreciated them, but they wouldn’t be enough to save his country. Still, more friends meant a larger support network, which he could never have too much of. And so this was why he now found himself among a very colourful crowd on a friday night, looking for a specific miqo’te.

“Excuse me, do you know where I can find G’yozah Tia?” Hien asked a blonde guy standing by himself by the wall, nursing a drink. The man’s eyebrows shot up a bit, then he laughed.

“You’re too late,” he said. “G’yozah’s gotten himself tied down to someone. He doesn’t do the casual sex thing anymore.” The smile got wider. “Maybe I can help instead.”

“Ah,” Hien said, scratching the back of his neck, kinda flattered by the offer even if he wasn’t interested. “It’s not that. I’m actually looking for his roommate, but I don’t know his name. I heard they are usually here together.”

“Oh, T’oast? You’re in luck then,” the guy said, pointing over to the corner of the room. There seemed to have been a game of spin the bottle going on, but one person had broken off from the circle and stood up. Hien recognised him.

“Turn up the music!” someone from the circle shouted.

The blonde guy beside Hien grinned. “You’re gonna wanna watch this.”

Curious, Hien waited to see what would happen. The music got louder, and the miqo’te who had helped out Hozan, T’oast apparently, strange name, started moving to the music. First he was just swaying, then he seemed to find the rhythm and was fully dancing. He wasn’t a trained dancer, that was clear, but he was dexterous and had a good sense of rhythm. And the ability to move his hips in some _very_ interesting ways. Hien couldn’t take his eyes off him. 

Then T’oast slowly removed his sweater to the beat of the music, and Hien’s eyes went wide. By the Kami, that boy could _move_. Hien suddenly felt hot all over as he watched as T’oast removed another layer of clothing, baring his chest, and allowing a better view of his ass, clad in tight leather trousers with lacing on the side. Hien looked on, transfixed by the movement of his hips and the seductive smile on his face.

T’oast stopped shortly after, much to the disappointment of his audience.

“Come on, take it all off!” someone in the crowd shouted. T’oast just laughed, his ears wiggling in an adorable way.

“There’s no way I can get out of these trousers while dancing,” he said. “And I wouldn’t do it for you anyway, James.”

There was laughter and applause, and T’oast collected his clothes and rejoined the circle of players.

Hien felt someone clap his shoulder, and looked over to see the blonde man looking at him with something akin to pity. Hien realised his mouth was open, and hurriedly closed it.

“I know what you’re thinking, man,” the blonde man said. “But you’re not gonna be able to catch that one. Trust me. He turns down everyone.”

“Oh,” Hien managed. He had not been thinking of that. He also hadn’t _not_ been thinking of that. He hadn’t really been thinking at all. He was going to need a moment to be able to think again.

“Yeah, man,” the blonde man continued. “People think he’s with G’yozah, but I don’t buy it. I live next door to them, and I would have _heard._ He’s just not interested.”

“Oh,” Hien said again, then shook his head, managing to clear it a little bit. “Regardless, I would like a word with him.”

The blonde guy shrugged. “Your heartbreak,” he said dismissively. “But good luck.”

He walked away to talk to someone else.

Hien took a deep breath. His sexuality had never really been a thing to consider, a result of having a fiancee since before he knew what sex was. Though he had found men attractive many times before, what point was there even to entertain such thoughts when his future partner in love and life had already been decided. But then, none of those times had ever been quite as much of a punch to the gut as this was. No, the miqo’te he’d come here to find had made his palms sweaty, made his thick hoodie feel far too hot and set off an urgent _need_ to get closer to the guy.

Yeah, this was different.

Hien looked up at the game again. The rosy-haired miqo'te next to T’oast seemed to have been dared to drink an alarming amount of alcohol, and T’oast was looking on with worry on his face, ears low. The air of seduction was completely gone, but he was still cute.

Hien could handle cute. He’d had several cute friends before, and there had never been complications. He wanted to befriend T’oast because of his willingness to defend Hozan, and his viewpoints and information about the Garleans. Hien had come looking for an ally, not a… a… His brain helpfully provided the word “boyfriend”, but he resolutely struck the word from his mind. He had a duty to his country and he needed an heir. That hadn’t changed.

The game of spin the bottle seemed to have run its course, and people were starting to disperse. If he wanted to talk to T’oast, it was now or never.

Hien steeled himself and started walking into that direction.

***

G’yozah was completely trashed. It wasn’t exactly a surprise, considering the amount of alcohol he had consumed on that dare. At least T’oast was reasonably sober. In comparison anyway.

“T’ooaasst,” G’yozah whined. “I want-- I want another drink. S-someone stole mine.”

“Yes, that was me,” T’oast said patiently. “You’ve had enough.”

“Have not,” G’yozah said. “You drink-stealer. Give it back.”

“Too late, it’s gone,” T’oast laughed. G’yozah protested loudly.

“Excuse me,” a voice said behind him. Deep, vaguely familiar and way too polite for the occasion. T’oast turned around to see the Doman guy from the beach and the library, the one with the ponytail and the yellow hoodie. Which he was still wearing, unfortunately covering his arms. Weirdly, yellow worked on him. 

“I just wanted to say thank you for your help the other day,” the guy said. “I’m Shun, from social studies.”

“T’oast, medical,” T’oast introduced himself. Finally. “This is G’yozah, from economics. He’s--.”

“T’oooast!” G’yozah said, practically gluing himself to T’oast. “I miss X’rhun! I wanna go see himmmm.”

“...He’s very drunk,” T’oast finished with a sigh, then turned to give G’yozah a stern look. As stern as he could manage, which was probably a bit unstable. “And he does _not_ need his boyfriend to see him like this right now.”

G’yozah stuck out his tongue and detached himself from T’oast, starting to walk off. T’oast rolled his eyes. “I should probably get him back to our room,” he said, turning to Shun again. “It was nice meeting you again.”

“You too,” Shun said. “Do you need help getting him home safely?”

“Nah, I can man—” T’oast started, then realized G’yozah was trying to pole dance around one of the red pillars in the room. “G’yozah, stop that!” he turned back towards Shun. “Actually, help would be great.”

T’oast hurried towards G’yozah, to reach him before he fell or started humping the narrow pillar or whatever he was planning on doing. With Shun’s help they managed to get G’yozah down without hurting him. He seemed to have spent most of his alcohol-enhanced energy on the attempt, but T’oast was still glad Shun helped more or less carry him to the dorms, one of G’yozah’s arms around their respective shoulders. If Shun was trying to return the favour for T’oast helping his friend with the debate, this was definitely way more effort, but T’oast was thankful anyway. They shared a few words on the way, and the guy seemed genuinely nice.

Eventually they reached their dorm, and he got G’yozah to lay down on his bed. On his side, just in case he needed to puke. Hopefully he wouldn’t. T’oast really didn’t want to deal with that. 

“Hope he’ll feel better soon,” Shun said.

“Oh, I’m sure he’s feeling great right now. Just wait until morning, though,” T’oast grinned. “Thank you so much for your help, I appreciate it.”

“Anytime,” Shun said, and smiled. T’oast stared at him. Maybe it was just his drunken mind talking, but Shun was _really_ attractive. He hadn’t really had time to consider it, not since the beach anyway, but that smile… _Oh fuck_ , T’oast thought. He was _hot,_ and T’oast’s heart was suddenly trying to pound it’s way out of his chest.

“I’ll see you around,” Shun said, still smiling, then turned and started walking away. T’oast stared after him in silence, then, finally, his brain started working again and he got back into the dorm room and sat down by G’yozah to calm down. 

Maybe he was just drunk. Yeah, that was it. Come tomorrow, Shun would be just another attractive guy, rather than heart-stoppingly gorgeous. That smile, though…

T’oast shook his head. _I’m just drunk,_ he decided resolutely. _Time to sleep it off._

***

Hien had just walked into the cafeteria, still undecided whether to get chicken or fish for lunch, when his vision was blocked by dusty pink hair and tan skin.

“I know you!” the miqo’te exclaimed. He looked familiar as well. “You are hot arms!”

Hien laughed. “Thank you,” he said. “Good to see you’re feeling better, G’yozah.”

“I knew you were real! I’m going to kill T’oast!,” G’yozah said. “ What’s your name, again?”

“Shun,” Hien smiled. “Is T’oast here as well?”

“He will be as soon as he can bring himself to leave the library,” G’yozah said. “You should come eat with us.”

Hien had no objections to that. He went for fish, G’yozah went for chicken, and they managed to find an empty, clean table without much difficulty. Hien noticed some people watching them as they sat down together. It was somewhat strange. While he was used to being watched, the other students usually didn’t pay him much mind. Maybe they were actually watching G’yozah. He was pretty well known around the school, after all. Supposedly dating a professor, if the rumor mill was to be trusted.

“So I was pretty out of it last time,” G’yozah said as they started eating. “How do you know T’oast again?”

“I don’t, really,” Hien said. “We met at the beach once, and he helped one of my friends out last week, but I didn’t know his name until the party.”

“Hmmmm, the beach...” G’yozah said. There was something in his face Hien couldn’t quite read. Amusement, maybe. 

Before he could inquire further. T’oast arrived. He had gone for the vegan option, Hien noticed. He wondered if that was just his choice for the day or his lifestyle. He was wondering a lot about T’oast lately.

“Sorry I’m late,” he said as he sat down. “Hi, Shun.”

“Hello, T’oast,” Shun said, enjoying the smile he got in return. He seemed tired, but still as cute as Shun remembered.

“He exists,” G’yozah said, pointing towards Shun. “You lied to me.”

“I did, yes,” T’oast confessed. “It was funny at the time.”

“I will never trust you again,” G’yozah declared, then grinned and stole an olive from T’oast’s salad. T’oast glared at him, but it didn’t seem particularly serious.

“So, Shun,” G’yozah said. “I haven’t seen you at the parties before. You should join the truth or dare next time.”

Hien laughed. “Perhaps I will. It seemed like a lot of fun, from what I saw.”

“Um,” T’oast said, his tanned face suddenly taking red tint. “How much did you see?”

Hien thought back at the party, how he had felt out of place but intrigued. He had talked to a fair number of people, made some useful contacts and potential friends, even got an invitation to an orgy from some Au Ra men that he politely declined. Then he had finally found T’oast. 

“If you are talking about your dance, you have nothing to be ashamed of,” Hien said, though his words didn’t seem to reassure T’oast, who just stared into his salad while his face got even redder.

Hien meant it, though. It had been quite a performance, and not one he would forget any time soon. Though if T’oast was this embarrassed about it, maybe he should.

“Someone always dares T’oast to do that. It was probably to be mean at first, but,” G’yozah said. “He sure owned them. He’s getting pretty good, isn’t he?”

“I agree,” Hien said, glancing at T’oast, who still looked like he wanted the floor to swallow him whole. “So what do you guys like to do, apart from partying and studying?”

“T’oast likes to cook,” G’yozah said, picking at his food. “He does chicken much better than this.”

Chicken. So not vegan then, it seemed. Maybe just didn’t feel like chicken or fish today.

“Really?” Hien smiled. “That’s a useful skill. I never learned, and I confess I regret it now.”

“You could come eat with us at some point,” T’oast said. “I’m not as good as G’yozah makes it seem, but I enjoy it.”

“I would love to come,” Hien said. “You wouldn’t happen to know any Doman recipes, do you? I swear I’ve not been able to find a single place in Ul’dah that does decent udon.”

“I’ve never made it,” T’oast said with a laugh. “You get me the ingredients and I can give it a try, but don’t get your hopes up.”

Hien felt like his hopes were already way up, but not necessarily for the prospect of udon. He mentally swore to himself. This could get complicated.

He exchanged tomestone numbers with both G’yozah and T’oast before they all parted to go to their respective classes. G’yozah also gave him his Tomestagram account, and Hien was absentmindedly scrolling through his pictures while waiting for his lesson to start. He couldn’t even lie to himself about what he was looking for.

He found it soon enough. G’yozah with an arm around T’oast’s shoulder, both looking like they were headed for a party. The same party Hien had gotten to know them at, it seemed. T’oast looked like he hadn’t been entirely prepared for the picture, which only made him look cuter. Hien sighed.

He shouldn’t let himself get distracted. He had come to Ul’dah with a purpose, and he shouldn’t lose track of it. He could enjoy the friendship, but it would have to stay there. No matter how cute T’oast was, or how into guys Hien could be, T’oast would not be able to provide him with the heir he needed. And having just a short relationship and then moving on was not an option for him, it went against everything he believed in. “You should love only your wife,” his father used to say, and Hien agreed. But his fiancee had died at the same time his father did, and he hadn’t really considered relationships since then.

Until now. T’oast made him feel… _something_. A possibility of something. It was a new feeling, and Hien enjoyed it, but he couldn’t indulge. He had a responsibility to his people.

Hien suddenly became aware that the lesson had started, and he put his tomestone away, taking one last look at the photo. A friendship, possibly one he could come to value highly. But nothing more than that. 


	2. Chapter 2

Shun was intriguing.

They had a class in common, G’yozah had realised. It was one of the bigger classes he had so he hadn’t noticed before, and hadn’t expected a social studies major in an economics class anyway. Now, G’yozah was spending most of the class looking at the back of Shun’s head five rows below.

He was handsome, G’yozah supposed. Not as handsome as X’rhun, but G’yozah doubted anyone was. (Okay, G’yozah could admit to _some_ bias in this matter.) But noo, his looks wasn’t what made Shun intriguing. The reason G’yozah had spent most of the lesson trying to figure him out was that _T’oast_ liked him.

T’oast, his best friend and roommate, whom G’yozah had never seen having any sort of crush on anyone or even showing the slightest interest in anyone, was suddenly all blushy around Shun. T’oast, who had turned down every offer he got, including from G’yozah himself, had apparently decided this was the guy for him. G’yozah could see the appeal, he supposed, looking at Shun’s broad shoulders and muscular arms, sadly hidden behind a yellow hoodie. But it wasn’t like Shun was the only attractive guy out there, so why him?

Maybe T’oast didn’t quite know, either. He was still denying the whole thing, but G’yozah wasn’t fooled. He knew T’oast pretty well by now, and this was _not_ how T’oast acted when he was getting unwanted attention, or even when he was flattered but uninterested. An uninterested T’oast didn’t borrow G’yozah’s computer to spend hours looking up recipes for udon just because of an offhand remark.

And Shun was interested back, G’yozah was certain of it. He had absolutely caught him staring at T’oast ass at least once, and his attention tended to stay on T’oast even when G’yozah was the one talking. _And_ he’d liked all the pictures on G’yozah’s tomestagram that had T’oast in them. Could he be any more obvious? So, yes, interest detected. Why weren’t they boning already?

Well, G’yozah could understand T’oast being hesitant, he supposed. Sometimes he did feel T’oast was a little overly paranoid, though. Shun seemed like a good guy, so G’yozah could see no reason to not go for it. But why wasn’t Shun jumping on it then? Was he still in the closet? Nah, he’d been at that party, that pretty much equaled admitting to some kind of queerness.

Maybe all that was needed was a little help. G’yozah grinned. T’oast had helped him out with X’rhun a bit, after all. It was only fair that he returned the favour.

He sneakily took a photo of the back of Shun’s head, and sent it to T’oast.

> Guess who’s in my Global Economies class<

T’oast response came almost immediately. Essay writing at the library was not going his way then. G’yozah could sympathise.

> >Huh, small world
> 
> You saved that picture, didn’t you?:P<
> 
> >You’re overestimating your photography skills

G’yozah grinned proudly.

> Rude D:<   
>  I’ll get you a better picture at lunch. I’m gonna ask him to come<
> 
> >I don’t mind, but I thought you were meeting your sister for lunch downtown today.
> 
> Oh, right. Looks like it’s just gonna be the two of you then ;D<

There was no reply, meaning T’oast actually did want to have lunch with Shun but didn’t want to admit it. If he hadn’t wanted to, he would have said so.

G’yozah caught up with Shun after the lesson. 

“Hiya, Shun,” he said, and Shun looked surprised to see him.

“Hi, I didn’t realise you also took this class,” Shun said.

“Me neither,” G’yozah laughed. “Do you have any lunch plans?”

“Not yet,” Shun smiled. “Are you and T’oast meeting up again?”

“Nah, I’m meeting my sister,” G’yozah said. “You should go keep T’oast company, though.”

“I wouldn’t want to impose,” Shun said, a little unsure.

“You’ll both be at the cafeteria anyway,” G’yozah pointed out. “He’ll be there in like ten minutes.”

Shun didn’t give a definitive answer, but he was heading in the direction of the cafeteria when they parted. G’yozah counted that as a win.

> He’ll be waiting for you <3 <
> 
> > You do realise Shun and I are just friends, right? 

G’yozah sighed as he left the classroom. Whatever he said.

> Suit yourself. He’s gonna be there in any case <
> 
> Have fun! <

He pocketed his tomestone and headed downtown.

***

T’oast had spent far too much time researching Doman cuisine lately.

He told himself it was just because he liked cooking and was excited to try something new, but if he was being honest he just didn’t want to fuck up in front of Shun. T’oast doubted Shun would care, would likely just laugh it off if the Udon attempt failed. Still, for some reason it felt important that Shun liked it.

Shun had become a constant in his life ridiculously fast. They saw each other practically every day for lunch, almost always with G’yozah, sometimes with other friends, and T’oast had probably texted more with him the last few weeks than he had with any of his other university friends since he got to Ul’dah. It was nice, but also a bit alarming.

Shun was still ridiculously hot, even when T’oast was sober. T’oast tried his best to ignore that fact, but sometimes he just found himself staring. Especially at his arms. He wondered what it would be like to be held by those arms.

He quickly shook his head to clear it, returning to the world of noodles. It was all idle daydreaming, in any case. Shun was definitely not interested in him that way, and even if he was, nothing would come of it. T’oast had no interest in casual sex, and doubted he was even capable of a real relationship. Even if he could find someone who could accept him as easily as G’yozah had, despite everything… Well, it was a lot to ask of someone. Friends was good, though. He could do friends. The daydreams would fade eventually. They always did. This was hardly the first time he’d had a crush on a friend.

His tomestone rang, shaking him out of his thoughts and back to reality. A reality where Shun was calling him. T’oast took a deep breath and answered.

“Hello.”

“Hi,” Shun said. “I was wondering if you and G’yozah had dinner plans already. There’s a new Hingan place downtown I was thinking of trying.”

“G’yozah ran off to X’rhun’s place after lessons ended today. I think he was planning on spending the weekend,” T’oast said.

“What about you?” Shun asked, and T’oast did his best to not read into the question. They were just friends.

“What price range are we talking about?” T’oast asked, wondering if it was worth using his meager savings for a meal alone with Shun. Well, alone with all the other people eating at the place.

“Don’t worry about it, it’s my treat,” Shun said, and T’oast frowned. He had no idea what Shun’s financial situation was like, but he didn’t dress like someone with a lot of money to spare. Then again, T’oast had occasionally seen him eat take-away food he himself couldn’t really afford, so he was probably better off than T’oast was.

“If you are sure,” T’oast conceded. “Where should we meet?”

They agreed to meet up downtown in two hours, which was way too long in T’oast’s opinion. It gave him plenty of time to panic.

_Calm down_ , he told himself. _You’ve gone out to eat with G’yozah plenty of times. This is no different. It’s not a date. You two are just friends_. T’oast took a deep breath. Okay, he could do this. He just needed to find something to wear, and he was ready.

That proved easier said than done. He should just wear what he normally did, but most of his better clothes were in the laundry pile after the week. He still had the leather trousers, though. After some hesitation, he threw open G’yozah’s wardrobe, looking for a specific red shirt. It wasn’t the first time he had borrowed it, so it still counted as ‘what he would normally wear’. Sort of.

***

Shun was already waiting when T'oast arrived. He was leaning against the wall, absentmindedly looking at his tomestone. He hadn't noticed T'oast yet, and T'oast took the opportunity to look at him. He was dressed the same way as usual, black jeans and a yellow hoodie, except... T'oast frowned. That was not the same hoodie he usually wore. Did he seriously own more than one yellow hoodie? Who did that? 

Shun looked up and met his eyes, smiling warmly. T'oast couldn't help but smile back. 

"Hi", Shun said as he approached. His eyes flickered up and down T'oast’s body for a moment, and T'oast felt his cheeks heat up. "You look good."

"Thanks," T'oast muttered. "You too."

He always did somehow. It was honestly kind of unfair. Well, this was definitely starting like a date, at least ones T'oast had seen in movies. He and G'yozah usually didn't share compliments when meeting up, unless it looked like the other had made an effort. Did T'oast look like that? T'oast mentally swore. He should just have gone with his usual clothes.

He noticed Shun kept stealing glances at him as they walked towards the restaurant, so, yeah, he had probably overdone it. Shun was probably wondering why he had bothered dressing up. T'oast just hoped he wasn't too weirded out.

The restaurant was...actually a restaurant. As in, not the cheap take-away kind of place T'oast was used to. It wasn't fancy, exactly, not by Ul'dahn standards at least, but it was definitely above T'oast's price range.

"Here we are," Shun said, clearly not bothered at all. "It looks pretty cozy."

It did, T'oast supposed as he looked back. Hingan style furniture, candles burning, staff dressed to fit the setting. Some of them were Hingan, or possibly Doman, but not all. It was strange and new for T'oast, but to Shun it was probably closer to home.

They got seated by the window in a rather secluded corner of the restaurant. A perfect spot for a date, which the waitress apparently thought this was, going by the knowing smiles and the candle she brought over. Gods.

"Find anything?" Shun asked after they had been looking through the menus for a while. T'oast hesitated. Part of him wanted to try absolutely everything, another part just wanted to get whatever was cheapest. Sure, Shun was paying, but T’oast didn’t want to cost him more than he could afford.

“You know this cuisine better than I do,” T’oast said slowly. “Anything you recommend?”

T’oast doubted he would recommend anything he wasn’t ready to pay for. Besides, T’oast got a nice introduction to the types of foods Shun liked as he went through the menu. He wished he could have taken notes.

Eventually they settled on an order. Now all they had to do was wait for the food to arrive.

Just sitting around always made T’oast restless. He needed to do something with his hands most of the time, which was why he had all but destroyed several stress toys and a bunch of G’yozah’s crocheted dicks over the course of his studies. Right now, though, he had nothing. It made him kind of anxious, and the silence at the table felt awkward all of the sudden.

“You okay?” Shun asked. Clearly his restlessness was visible.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” T’oast said. “Just wished I had brought my knitting or something.”

Shun frowned, and T’oast realised how that sounded. “Not because it’s boring,” he hurriedly said. “I just have this thing where I like to keep my hands busy.”

“Understandable,” Shun smiled. “Anything I can do to help?”

T'oast felt his face heat up, his mind going to places Shun definitely hadn't intended. 

"It's— it's okay," he said. "I can just—" he looked around for anything. The only thing nearby was the napkin, but it would have to do. He started folding it.

“I worked at this venue in Gridania one summer,” T’oast said. “They hosted weddings and fancy parties and stuff. It’s kinda a useless skill, but...”

Shun was watching intently as T’oast folded the napkin. T’oast was glad he had gotten used to people watching him work over the summer working at the dragonhead, it meant he made less mistakes while turning the napkin into a flower.

“That’s really cute,” Shun said, looking at the napkin with a smile. “You have a lot of hidden talents.”

T’oast shrugged. “More like I’ve had a lot of different jobs, you learn if you want to get paid,” he said. “Appreciate the compliment, though.”

“What’s your favourite job you’ve had?” Hien asked. 

“I’m not sure. I really enjoyed working the bar at the Dragonhead this summer,” T’oast said. “But the year before I came to Ul’dah I worked at a hospital. Mostly just cleaning, carrying things. Shitty work, sometimes literally, but it felt like I was helping people. I used to talk to patients during my breaks, and I could tell it cheered them up. That it made a difference.” T’oast paused. “Sorry, I’m rambling.”

“Not at all,” Shun smiled. “Is that what made you study medicine?”

“I guess. I just...” T’oast sighed, making a waving gesture. “I want to help people, I guess.”

“That’s very admirable, T’oast,” Shun said, and he sounded like he meant it. T’oast felt cold and a bit nauseous at the thought. His ears drooped at he put the napkin flower down on the table.

“It’s not,” he said. “It’s not some noble pursuit or higher calling. I have my own reasons.”

Shun nodded. “I’m not sure the intentions matter as much as what actually is done,” he said. “I think working to help people is admirable, regardless of your reasons for doing so.”

T’oast wasn’t sure he agreed, but he nodded anyway. “What about you? What are your plans for the future?”

Shun looked hesitant, and T’oast regretted having asked. He was just about to apologise when the food arrived. It smelled heavenly, and despite his discomfort T’oast could feel his mouth watering.

“You don’t have to tell me,” T’oast said when the waitress left, but Shun shook his head with a smile.

“My situation is a bit complicated,” he said. “I’m going to take over the family business, so I’m trying to prepare myself for that the best I can.”

“Oh,” T’oast said. “G’yozah has something similar. Must be tough.”

“I hope I will prove equal to the task,” Shun said, taking up his chopsticks to begin eating. “This looks better than expected.”

“Did you expect it to be bad?” T’oast asked. He took a mouthful of his food, and barely resisted the impulse to moan. He wasn’t sure if this was how the dish was supposed to taste like, but it was _good._

“Not exactly, but a lot of Hingan or Doman places here in Eorzea tend to actually serve food that’s more of a hybrid of the different styles,” Shun said. “It can still taste good, but it’s not really the same dish.”

“Makes sense,” T’oast said. “Something to remember for that dinner I owe you.”

Shun laughed. “You don’t owe me anything, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to it. G’yozah speaks very highly of your cooking.”

“He’s my best friend. He has to,” T’oast smiled. 

“You two seem very close,” Shun said. “Half the uni seem convinced that you sleep together.”

T’oast frowned, and Shun held up a hand. “I’m not judging, and I don’t want to pry.”

“No, it’s fine,” T’oast said. “We don’t sleep together. Or, well,” T’oast sighed. Might as well put it out there. “Technically we do, sometimes, share a bed. G’yozah likes cuddling and I have nightmares. But we don’t have sex. We’re just friends.”

“I apologise, I didn’t mean to make you feel you had to explain yourself to me,” Shun said, bowing his head a little. “It sounds nice, being that close to someone.”

T’oast smiled. “Yeah, it is,” he said. “You have any close friends back in Doma?”

Shun thought for a moment. “There’s Yugiri, my bod— best friend, but I could not imagine cuddling her. I think she might stab me if I tried.”

T’oast laughed. He noticed the slip up, but wasn’t sure what it meant, so he ignored it. “If it makes you feel any better I thought that about myself, yet here I am.”

“Just G’yozah, though?”

T’oast shrugged. “So far, yeah,” he said. He realised that sounded kinda like an invitation. Maybe it was. “So tell me about Doma. What should I go see when I win the lottery one day?”

Shun laughed. “I’m sure you don’t have to win the lottery to visit, T’oast,” he said, but he seemed happy to talk about his home, and T’oast was happy to listen.

***

Hien was a bit late to his usual lunch meetup with T’oast and G’yozah, having stayed behind class to ask his professor a few questions.They had been discussing the pros and cons of different systems of government in class, and Hien had wanted to clarify some specifics. The professor had been surprised but happy to see someone take such a keen interest in her work and had gotten a bit over enthusiastic in her explanations, still, Hien appreciated it.

He walked into the cafeteria, looking around for his friends. He couldn’t see G’yozah, who was usually the easier one to spot, but eventually he found T’oast, sitting and talking to a dark-clad Au Ra man around twice his height.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” the au ra said, disgust clear in his voice. “Did you bring the goods?”

T’oast rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I brought the _goods_ ,” he said, searching his bag. Hien watched from a bit of a distance. It seemed a strange scene to intrude upon. Eventually, he brought out a paper bag and handed it over to the au ra.

The au ra frowned as he opened the bag and lifted out something small and fluffy, a plush of some kind.

“It looks great,” the au ra said, like it pained him to admit it. “I just don’t understand why she likes these things so much.”

“Moogles are cute and fuzzy,” T’oast said with a smile. “What’s not to like?”

“The freaking flying rodents are _everywhere_ right now. I can’t take two steps without seeing their stupid poms on an ad or hearing that ridiculus song,” the au ra said with disgust, then looked back at T’oast. “Don’t get me wrong, I really appreciate this and Rielle will love it, it’s just...”

“You resent bringing a moogle into your home?” T’oast asked, amused. “I’m sure Rielle and Fray will appreciate your sacrifice.”

“They better,” the au ra muttered as he got up from the table and collected his stuff. “I best be off. We’re going running this evening if you want to join.”

“I’ll think about it. See you around.”

The au ra left, giving Hien a brief look as he passed by. Hien met T’oast’s eyes and approached the table.

“I didn’t know you were shy, Shun.”

“Apologies, I didn’t want to intrude,” Hien said sheepishly as he sat down. “What was that all about?”

“Sid and his partner adopted a kid. I made a knitted moogle plush for her since she loves them but the official merch is crazy expensive,” T’oast shrugged.

Hien raised his eyebrows in surprise. “He looked about our age. I didn’t realise Ul’dah had such lenient adoption laws.”

“It doesn’t,” T’oast said with a bitter laugh. “It’s not official.”

“So, wait, they are taking care of the child illegally?”

“Technically, yes, but they are good parents,” T’oast insisted. “Which the real mother _definitely_ isn't.” 

“Wouldn’t it be better for the child to get adopted through official channels?”

T’oast started laughing, not happily, but still amused. Hien frowned.

“Sorry, sorry,” T’oast said, calming down. “You probably wouldn’t know, but trust me. No child should be put into the system, not if there are any better options. Even if they aren’t entirely legal.” He paused. “I would have killed for someone like Sid to take care of me when I was kid.”

“Couldn’t they apply to adopt her legally though, I’m sure there are ways...”

“Sure, but you’d need a shitton of money, and either a really good lawyer or the mother’s consent,” T’oast shrugged. “None of which is going to happen.”

“So the Ul’dah government is failing its children.”

“That’s not exclusive to Ul’dah. I grew up in Gridania, and it wasn’t much better there,” T’oast said. “Sometimes the right thing to do is illegal. That’s just how it is.”

Hien wasn’t sure what to say to that. “Are you planning to adopt in the future yourself?” he asked instead.

T’oast blinked, apparently not expecting that. “I’m… not sure,” he said. “If i can afford it it would be good to help a child who needs it, but I’m not sure I’d make a very good parent.”

“How come?”

T’oast smiled. “Let’s just say I lack good role models.” He paused. “What about you?”

“I’m expected to carry on my bloodline,” Hien said honestly. “I come from a very old Doman family. There are traditions I’m expected to follow.”

T’oast frowned. “To me, bloodline doesn’t seem like a very good reason to have a child. It seems like a recipe for resentment,” he said. “But I’ve never understood why things have to be done a certain way just because that’s how ‘it’s always been done’.”

“How do you mean?”

“I’ve never really had any traditions myself, but I stayed in a lot of foster homes growing up,” T’oast said. “One family insisted everyone be home to eat dinner at seven, no exceptions even if it was an emergency, another insisted only blood family counted on Starlight, no foster kids or partners allowed, another went to church every week without fail, another insisted that wearing red meant you were a slut and so on and so on.”

T’oast gave Hien a smile. “I know it’s not the same as generations of expectations in an old family,” he said. “But at some point all these small things just seem meaningless. ”

“Like you say, it’s not the same,” Hien nodded. “But I understand where you’re coming from. I think there is value in tradition, but not if people get hurt.”

“Yeah, I think it's worth considering where traditions come from and why you are doing it,” T’oast nodded. “There’s a dish in Limsa called “Smoked Sahagin” that brings up protests every now and then, but the name is never changed because it’s _traditional_.”

“It’s not actual Sahagin is it?” Hien asked, relieved when T’oast shook his head.

“It’s not even fish, it's a sweet pastry,” T’oast said. “Actually pretty good, name notwithstanding.”

“I’ve never had it.”

“I don’t have the supplies needed to make it, sadly,” T’oast smiled. “But I’m sure there are other Eorzean pastries you haven’t tried that I could make.”

“That wasn’t me _fishing_ for an invite,” Hien laughed. “But I appreciate it nonetheless.”

***

Hien couldn’t sleep that night. He was tossing and turning, thinking back at his conversation with T’oast earlier in the day.

It’s not like his perspective was particularly unique, Hien had heard similar viewpoints expressed before, but it was different, somehow, hearing them from someone he cared about. And T’oast wasn’t just trying to get attention or being rebellious, from what little Hien knew of his background he had good reason to think the way he did. Before this year, Hien had never really had the opportunity to discuss things with people outside the social bubble he had grown up in, and it was eye-opening to say the least.

_Sometimes the right thing to do is illegal. That’s just how it is._ That’s not how it _should_ be.But that’s how it was when people far removed from their subjects struggle were in charge of laws. Hien thought about Doma, and it’s corrupt government. Even the people who were not under Garlean influence were mostly there for their own gain.

Hien sighed, turning on his back to stare up at the ceiling. When his father and fiance were killed eight months ago, Hien had known he needed to do something drastic to prevent Doma from falling into Garlean hands. His first thought had been to strengthen his own position, using people’s loyalty to the crown to strengthen his rule and force the Garleans out. He could have had a quick coronation, then gotten to work. It would have been a fast but short-sighted solution, and frankly, Hien hadn’t wanted to.

So he had postponed the coronation, and while being the de facto king, had negotiated a year of absence for himself, to find another solution. He still took part in meetings, but playing a passive, non-threatening role as far as possible without jeopardising his people, to buy himself time to find a better solution.

And the more he considered it, the more he realised that rather than strengthen his own position, he could get what he wanted by _weakening_ it.The Doman government largely consisted of members of old, influential families, with the royal family in the leading role. For years there had been voices from the common people for equal representation, but Doma was a traditional country and slow to change, and the old families held on to their power. 

Still, he could start the process of reconstructing the government to give the common people more power. It would be a slow process and would definitely meet resistance from the older families, but it was possible. It wouldn’t immediately weed out Garlean influence either, in fact, he suspected the Garleans would see it as an opportunity to further their influence. Maybe he could take advantage of that, somehow. The main point was to make sure the government answered to the people, though.

Hien sighed, reaching for his phone. His brain was too full of thoughts for sleep anyway.

Smiling to himself, he noticed the light next to T’oast name on the messaging app was green. Apparently he wasn’ the only one having trouble sleeping tonight.

He sent T’oast a “(^_^)/” and waited to see if he would get a reply, planning to do some research meanwhile. However, T’oast answered within seconds.

> > Why are you awake? 

Hien laughed.

> I could ask you the same thing.<
> 
> >My life is a mess. What’s your excuse? 
> 
> （ ^_^）o自自o（^_^ ）same.<
> 
> >Huh. And here I thought you had your life together. You’re shattering all my illusions here. 
> 
> And I was so close to a winning persona. (-_-;) <
> 
> >Not as close as you think after you admitted you like the moogle song. 

Hien smiled, continuing to message T’oast until sleep eventually came to him.

***

“I don’t know how right this is,” T’oast said as he handed out the bowls, all different shapes and sizes, but filled with steaming udon and beef. He sounded a bit nervous, and his ears were low. “It looks a bit wonky.”

“What are you talking about? It smells divine!” G’yozah said, taking a deep breath above his bowl.

“It does,” Hien agreed. He wasn’t lying. T’oast had clearly done his research, and the bowl in front of him was definitely Doman udon, though Hien knew T’oast had had to substitute some ingredients for more readily available Eorzean counterparts. He had apologetically told him so earlier. Like Hien would judge him for that. Honestly, just the fact that T’oast had actually gone through the trouble to _cook_ for _him_ was already enough to make him positively giddy. Hien couldn’t stop smiling.

T’oast, on the other hand, looked worried. “Well, you’re the expert, Shun. Tell me what you think? You’re allowed to dislike it, I won’t be offended.”

Hien sincerely doubted he would dislike it. It already smelled great. With T’oast watching him anxiously, he tried the food, and the smile got wider.

“It’s really good,” he said, and some of the tension bled out of T’oast’s shoulders. He and G’yozah started eating as well, and Hien returned to his food, but he couldn’t help sneaking glances at T’oast while he ate. It probably wasn’t the best udon he’s ever had, realistically speaking, it wasn’t even in the top twenty, but _T’oast_ had made it, for _him_. Because he had mentioned missing it. It meant something, and Hien’s heart ached.

Both him and G’yozah asked for seconds, and they ended up finishing all of it.

“Well, so much for leftovers. Now I need a new plan for tomorrow,” T’oast said, but he was smiling.

“It was worth it,” G’yozah laughed, giving Hien a look. “I wash and you dry them?”

Hien blinked. “Sorry?”

“He means the dishes,” T’oast said. “You don’t have to, you’re the guest.”

“No, no, I’ll be happy to,” Hien grinned, accepting the towel G’yozah handed to him. It was kinda fun, really. Drying dishes wasn’t something he did very often.

“Alright, thank you for dinner,” G’yozah said, grinning. “I have an essay to write, so I’m heading back to the room. Why don’t you two go for a walk or something?”

He shared a look with T’oast, then gave Hien a wink and disappeared out the door. Hien could feel his face heat up a bit. G’yozah knew, then. Hien wondered if he had told T’oast. Hien wondered how obvious his interest was. _It doesn’t matter,_ he told himself. He still had no intention of pursuing it beyond friendship.

“Well, the weather is nice, I suppose,” T’oast said, sounding a bit uncertain. Hien looked at him. He should probably excuse himself and go home, but…

“There’s an ice dream shop a few blocks down,” he said instead. “Let’s get some dessert. My treat.”

“Alright,” T’oast smiled. He was so unfairly cute when he smiled.

They went outside, and walked in silence for a while. It didn’t feel awkward, just comfortable. Eventually they reached the ice cream shop, and Hien got sundaes for the both of them. It was a bit much after a big dinner, but he noticed T’oast eyeing them. 

“Ul’dah really doesn’t have much in the way of nature,” Hien commented as they sat down at an outside table to eat. There was a fountain and some planted flowers nearby, but it was the only greenery as far as the eye could see.

“There’s actually some really pretty places outside the city,” T’oast said. “But yeah, inside the city it’s basically just stone and gravel.”

“Doma is not like that,” Hien said. “Even inside the capital we have large parks, and cherry and plum trees grow in rows along the river. It’s quite beautiful in spring.”

“I wish I could see it,” T’oast said. “I admit half my reasons for wanting to visit Doma one day is the food, but that sounds really nice.”

“You should absolutely come visit!” Hien said excitedly. “I’d love to show you around.”

T’oast laughed. “Sure, I’ll come, in the future when I’m suddenly rich.”

He was joking, but Hien was already imagining T’oast in Doma, thinking about what he would want to show him. The first thing he thought of was his mother’s garden at the Kienkan, and that was a dangerous line of thinking.

“You don’t actually need to walk me home, you know,” T’oast said with some amusement as they were heading back.

“But what if someone decides they need a good cook and tries to kidnap you?” Hien joked, and T’oast snorted in response.

“I’m _sure_ that would be the reason,” he said.

“I will protect you,” Hien smiled. 

“My hero,” T’oast said dryly, rolling his eyes. “I bet I could take you in a fight.”

Hien grinned. That sounded suspiciously like a challenge. “I have an...uncle who has trained me in kendo since I was little,” he said. “I think you would find me a hard match. And I do have an advantage in size.”

“You assume I would fight fair,” T’oast chuckled. “I beat up my fair share of bullies back in Gridania, and some of the elezen were twice as tall as me.” 

Hien laughed. “You really are stronger than you look,” he said. 

They reached the dorms, and T’oast stopped outside the gate. “Well, no cook-kidnappers appeared,” he said. “I guess I’ll see you at lunch tomorrow.”

“Yeah, sure,” Hien said. Neither of them moved. Hien knew he needed to go, but T’oast was still there, heistating, eyes averted and slightly pouting lips, looking incredibly kissable. 

It would be so easy. He could just lean forward a bit, to bring their lips together. To indulge in what he wanted, just for a short time. He could still return to Doma and fulfill his duties, after. This was his year away, his responsibilities were diminished. He could kiss T’oast. He could have a temporary relationship, a university fling. It wasn’t unheard of. It would be so easy. It was so tempting.

Hien couldn’t do it. 

“Alright, see you tomorrow,” he said, then turned to leave before he could change his mind. Not that he would. Hien didn’t believe in temporary relationships. Not all relationships worked out, he knew that, but to set out with that mindset was unthinkable. T’oast deserved better.

***

“It’s _infuriating_ ,” G’yozah complained, taking another sip of coffee. X’ruhn nodded absentmindedly from the other side of the table, still looking over the notes he had taken from their “making the thing glow”-session earlier. “They just keep looking at each other but no one does _anything._ ”

“Curious. T’oast never struck me as the kind to hesitate when he wants something,” X’ruhn said. “When fencing he was always quick enough to break the rules when losing.”

“Different circumstances,” G’yozah said, waving dismissively. “Honestly, if there was any doubt Shun liked him, I would get it. But they’ve been _this close_ to kissing. _Twice_ . That I _know_ of. And Shun can’t keep his eyes off him! I swear, one day I’m just gonna lock those two in a room—”

X’rhun smiled. “You seem very invested in this.”

G’yozah sighed. “I just want my best friend to be happy. I can see how much he wants this.”

“It’s not always easy for people to make the first move,” X’rhun said. “As you may recall.”

“Fortunately, making the first move is not something I struggle with,” G’yozah grinned, reaching out to stroke X’rhun’s hand across the table. 

“Fortunate indeed,” X’rhun smiled, lifting G’yozah’s hand and kissing his knuckles in response.

***

“I haven’t actually been here,“ Shun commented as they entered the library. “It looks quite impressive.”

“Yeah, the building has been here for hundreds of years,” T’oast said, always irrationally nervous as they passed the theft alarm inside. “It used to be some sort of occult guild. They still have Eorzea’s largest collection of old occult literature, but its only available for researchers by appointment.”

Shun gave him a look, and T’oast shrugged. “What? I took the guided tour of the city when I started studying here a few years back. It was free for first-years.”

“I didn’t say anything,” Shun smiled. “So what’s the book G’yozah wants?”

“The Concept of Aether — A History of Magic in Eorzea and Beyond,” T’oast said, looking at the message G’yozah had sent him. “The university library didn’t have it.”

They looked around for a while, eventually finding the folkloristic section further into the library beside what looked to be an ancient altar, roped in so you couldn’t approach. Still, a hyur woman and a roe man kelt in front of it, giggling as they got up and walked away, hand in hand.

“A library seems a strange place for worship,” Shun commented.

“It’s an old tradition before people get married,” T’oast said, pointing out the mark above the altar, faded by years of careless handling. “The mark of Nald'thal, the Dusk trader.”

“One of the Twelve, right?”

T’oast nodded. “It used to be that couple would visit the marks of the twelve all around Eorzea before getting married, but we don’t know where all of them were anymore. There’s one in Limsa and one in Gridania, and two in Coerthas, but the rest are lost. The tradition has gotten more popular recently, but it’s changed so people usually just visit the closest one nowadays, if even that.”

“More guided tour knowledge?,” Shun asked with a smile, walking closer to the altar where the couple had knelt earlier. “What do you think about it, personally?”

“The original idea was to go on a journey together,” T’oast said. “I like that idea, but I don’t really see the point in praying from an old deity I don’t even worship.”

“True, I remember you’re not fond of traditions.”

“Not particularly, no,” T’oast smiled, going back to look through the shelves for the book. “But, honestly, any traditions my hypothetical future husband or wife wanted would be fine with me.”

T’oast finally found the book, a few spaces to the left of where it was supposed to be. He triumphantly took it out of the shelf. “Wow. This is so thick the spine is barely holding together. Good luck, G’yozah.” He turned back towards Shun, realising he was watching him curiously. “What?”

Shun shook his head. “Nothing, it’s just...you really wouldn’t care? Even if your future spouse wanted something you’d never heard of?”

T’oast frowned. “I mean, I assume I would love them enough to want to marry them, right? The ceremony is just one day.” He paused, a little flustered. “Why do you ask?”

“Just curious. I like getting your opinions on things,” Shun shrugged with a smile, and T’oast felt his face heat up again. “Ready to go?”

T’oast nodded, and followed Shun to self service checkout, then back out on the busy streets of Ul’dah, leaving the calm of the library behind.

“Want me to carry that?” Shun asked, gesturing towards the brick of a book, and T’oast just laughed.

“I carry around heavier books than this every day, you know. No need to be a gentleman,” he grinned, playfully shoving Shun’s shoulder. “So where did you want to go?”

***

Hien watched T’oast head towards the bus station, finding it hard to look away from him until he turned around the corner and was out of sight. He sighed to himself, starting to head to where he parked his bike earlier.

He had been thinking about it a lot lately, and had already started considering a break in tradition, not only when it came to Doma’s government, but for himself as well. Weakening his power in favour of the people meant that the royal family would be little more than the figureheads they were often taken for. And that, in turn, meant the pressure for an heir was lessened.

The Rijin family was still culturally important to Doma, he couldn’t deny that, but… Like T’oast had pointed out earlier, traditions change over time. Hien’s family’s historical achievements and importance would not be lessened even if his line ended with him. Perhaps he could even abdicate after making sure Doma’s government could stand on its own.

Hien finally reached his bike, put his helmet on and started making his way home. Abdication was something of a pipe dream, he knew that, but the longer he spent in Ul’dah the more he realised it was something he wanted. Since coming here, he had experienced freedom in a way he had never really considered before.The bike he was riding was a testament to that. So was his friendship with T’oast.

He couldn’t lie to himself about what he had been imagining when T’oast explained the strange Eorzean marriage tradition, but he wasn’t naive. Even if things went as he wanted them to, and he could get away with not getting an heir, there was no guarantees that future would have T’oast in it. He couldn’t help but hope it would, but he knew it might not turn out that way.

His decision to not have an heir for the sake of having an heir would still stand. If his future partner, be it T’oast or someone else, wanted children they could talk about it then. It would be later, any case. When Doma was hopefully more stable.

The idea of leaving a child alone on the throne if he were to fall victim to a similar incident as the one that killed his father made Hien’s stomach turn. Another reason to continue down the path he had chosen, he supposed.

***

Of course the bottle landed on T’oast again. He had the worst luck with this game.

G’yozah grinned at him, and T’oast steeled himself. Whatever G’yozah was up to, it was not going to be good.

“Kiss him,” G’yozah said, pointing at Shun.

T’oast heart stopped. He looked at Shun, who seemed just as surprised by G’yozah’s sudden betrayal. T’oast hesitated. He never hesitated when dared to kiss people, but this was different. This was _Shun_. He didn’t want to kiss him on a dare, with everyone watching. He wanted it to be real.

“It’s okay,” Shun said, and his smile looked sad. “You don’t have to.”

“Of course he has to! It’s a dare!” someone else shouted, and they were right. This was the game. Of course he could walk away, but on the other hand…

T’oast moved over to Shun, but he still hesitated a little bit. Shun was watching him intently, eyes wide and mouth slightly open. Then T’oast leaned in, and pressed their lips together.

His brain just ceased to function. Shun’s lips were a bit rough, tasting of the beer he’d been drinking, a cheap brand that had never tasted so good before. Shun’s beard was gently scratching against his skin, and it felt _nice_ . More than nice even, it felt _exciting._ As their lips kept moving against each other, he could feel Shun’s hand coming up to his neck, into his hair, stroking it softly, and gods, T’oast wanted this. 

Suddenly someone wolf whistled, and T’oast realised this had gone on for way too long. He broke the kiss, half-panicked and more than a little embarrassed. His face burned as he quickly moved back to where he had been sitting, not even looking at Shun. He didn’t want to know what expression he was wearing, how badly he had fucked up.

“That was hot,” someone said on the other side of the ring, and as much as T’oast agreed, he did his best to ignore them. Instead, he did his duty and spun the bottle.

The game ended a little while later, but T’oast couldn’t remember any of what had been said or done after the kiss. He still hadn’t been able to look at Shun.

“I think I’m going to go back to the dorm,” he told G’yozah.

“Alright,” G’yozah said, sounding a bit worried. “You feeling alright? Should I come with you?”

“Nah, I’m fine. I just need a— a moment,” T’oast said, then practically fled back to the dorm rooms before Shun had a chance to talk to him.

***

Hien’s mind was still spinning. That kiss had been... _extraordinary_ . Hien could still faintly feel the taste of T’oast’s lips on his own, and his fingers tingled from running through T’oast’s hair, and the way he _looked…_

At first, it had been discouraging. Hien had watched him kiss people in the game before, usually without hesitation, so when T’oast seemed reluctant to kiss him it had actually hurt a little bit. But then it happened, and the way T’oast had looked afterwards, out of breath and flustered, biting his lip as he turned back towards the game… Hien took a deep breath to calm himself.

He got up from his place on the floor just in time to see T’oast exchange a few words with G’yozah, and then quickly walk towards the exit, disappearing into the night. Hien frowned. Had something happened?

Worried, he made his way over to G’yozah. “Is T’oast okay?” he asked.

“He’s probably fine,” G’yozah said, grinning a bit. “You could go and check up on him, if you want? You know the way to our dorm?”

“I remember,” Hien nodded. “Aren’t you coming?”

“Nah, I have a… thing,” G’yozah said. “Tell T’oast I hope he feels better soon.”

He walked off, and Hien frowned. From what he’d seen, G’yozah was usually the first to make sure T’oast was okay, and vice versa. He hoped they hadn’t had a fight. He tried to remember if they had acted strange earlier in the evening, but his mind stubbornly returned to the kiss again, and T’oast flustered face.

Hien started walking towards the dorms, thankful the cold night air helped clear his thoughts a bit.

T’oast was not just a friend. Try as he might, he couldn’t deny it after that kiss. And from T’oast’s reaction, unless Hien was misreading everything, it seemed like he was interested as well. Maybe, just maybe, they could actually happen. Hien did want it to.

But his situation was still complicated. Even if he were to abdicate after establishing a democratic government in Doma, it was a process that would take several years, assuming he succeeded at all. Before that, dating a male miqo’te would make him lose conservative supporters, and subject T’oast to ridicule. And then there was the Garleans on top of it all, potentially painting a target on T’oast’s back if Hien became as big a threat as he hoped to be. Was it really fair to drag T’oast into all of that?

Hien sighed. T’oast would have to make that choice for himself, after Hien explained the situation. Unless this was just a passing fancy for him. For the first time in his life, Hien thought he might be okay with being that. He wanted more, but if it was T’oast, he would take what he could get, and treasure it.

Hien hesitated outside the dorm room, then steeled himself to knock. He would give it a bit more time, he decided. If things were heading in the direction he hoped they would, he would explain everything.

Hien knocked.

“Really, did you forget your keys again?” T’oast said as he opened the door, then looked up to see Hien. “Shun! Um, hi.”

Hien stared at him. He had apparently had time to discard the leather trousers and tight shirt in favour of loose pajama bottoms decorated with dodos and a t-shirt that was too big for him. It was absolutely adorable. Even if the t-shirt said “I <3 DICKS” in bold rainbow letters.

Hien raised his eyebrows. “All dicks?” he asked with a smile.

T’oast gave him a look of utter confusion, before following Hien’s gaze down to his shirt. Then his entire face turned red.

“No, that’s— I just took the first shirt available, this is G’yozah’s,” he spluttered. “I don’t— I mean I—”

Hien couldn’t help laughing a bit. T’oast was so cute, flustered and embarrassed like that, and all Hien wanted to do was kiss him again.

“It’s alright, I figured it probably was,” Hien said instead. “I just came by to make sure you were okay. You disappeared very quickly from the party.”

T’oast calmed down somewhat, but his face was still red. “I’m fine, I just felt like I had partied enough,” he said. “Sorry for not saying anything.”

“It’s okay, I’m just glad you’re alright,” Hien said. “Well, I should get going.”

T’oast bit his lip. “I just made tea, if you want to come in for a bit.”

Hien smiled. “Tea sounds nice,” he said, following T’oast into the dorm room and looking around. He hadn’t been here since that first party, when bringing G’yozah home, and that had only been a brief visit. Now he had time to look around.

It was a small room, furnished like every other dorm room Hien had visited, but T’oast and G’yozah had made the room their own. The upper bunk bed was unmade, a corner of the sheet dangling down, while the bottom was neat, apparently used as a couch during the day. There were two desks, one covered in notebooks and medical tomes from the library, the other had a laptop, some books and what looked to be a collection of crocheted male genitalia. By the window was a small table with two chairs, which was where T’oast was setting up tea.

“G’yozah… really likes dicks, huh?” Hien commented, gesturing in the general direction of the desk. 

T’oast laughed. “You have no idea,” he said. “I think there’s about thirty of those things lying around in here. I don’t have any Doman tea, sorry.”

“That’s fine, I’m not picky,” Hien smiled, sitting down on the other chair, as T’oast served him tea in a mug that looked a little uneven.

“I took evening classes in ceramics for a bit last year,” T’oast said, probably noticing Hien looking. “I gave G’yozah my best attempt, but these are functional.”

“Can I see it?” Hien asked, and T’oast looked a little embarrassed, but went to get the mug from a nearby cabinet anyway. It was a pretty simple mug with a repeating pattern on the side, geometrically a little off in places if studied closely. Well made, especially for someone just starting out, or so Hien thought.

“I don’t know much about ceramics,” Hien said. “But you seem to be good with your hands in general. Why stop?”

“Time and money,” T’oast shrugged as he put the mug away again. “Beginner’s courses tend to be cheaper, so I’ve done a lot of different ones. Back in Gridania I did woodwork for a bit.”

“And you cook and knit, as well,” Hien noted, impressed, as he took a sip of his tea. “I’ve never really learned any crafts like that.”

“It’s not like I’m a master of anything, far from it,” T’oast said. “And you had hobbies, right? Back in Doma?”

Hien thought back at his life before Eorzea. He hadn’t really tried a lot of things the way T’oast had, mostly he had done what was expected of him.

“I did kendo,” Hien said. “And I can play a couple of instruments decently, but not sure if those were hobbies.”

“Kendo sounds like fun,” T’oast smiled. “I did fencing for a bit, but it wasn’t really my thing. Too many rules.”

“You prefer doing things your own way, don’t you?” Hien said, and T’oast laughed.

“I guess,” he said. “Sometimes rules can be good.”

They talked a bit more while enjoying tea and each other’s company. It was nice and comfortable, and only served to make Hien even more sure this was something he wanted. Far too soon he ran out of tea and excuses to stay.

“I guess I should get going,” Hien said, getting on his feet.

“Oh, right, it’s getting pretty late,” T’oast said, doing the same. “Thank you for coming by.”

“Thank you for the tea,” Hien said. Suddenly there was an awkward silence as they both stood by the table, just looking at each other. Hien was hit again by just how cute T’oast looked, with his messy hair and G’yozah’s shirt and dodo pajama bottoms. 

“T’oast,” Hien said hesitantly. “About earlier. The kiss.”

“Right,” T’oast said, breaking eye-contact to look at the floor instead. His ears lowered, his cheeks took a red tint, and there was that lip-biting again. If only he knew what that did to Hien. 

Maybe he should let him know. Then, if T’oast rejected him, at least he had his answer.

“Can I kiss you again?” he asked. 

T’oast turned to look at him again, eyes wide in surprise. There was a moment when he was just staring at Hien, making him afraid he had misinterpreted everything, then slowly, T’oast nodded.

“Okay,” he whispered, and Hien smiled. He reached out, gently caressing T’oast’s cheek before cupping his chin in his hand. Then he leaned in, pressing their lips together. 

It was better than last time, and judging from the muffled sound T’oast made, he agreed. It was just the two of them, alone, with all the time in the world to enjoy this new, wonderful feeling. Hien was finally allowed to run his fingers through T’oast’s hair properly. Finally allowed to taste him, to hold him close. And he treasured every second of it.

Eventually, T’oast pulled back a bit, breaking the kiss. He looked like he had after the last kiss, flustered and out of breath, but his expression was more wonder than embarrassment. Hien imagined he looked much the same.

“You are adorable, T’oast,” Hien smiled, leaning in again to steal another, much shorter kiss.

T’oast laughed a bit. “You’re not so bad yourself, Shun.”

_Shun._ That was a bit of a wake up call. 

Hien brought T’oast close again one final time, giving him a kiss on the forehead before pulling back.

“I really should get going,” he said. He wished he didn’t have to, he really wanted to stay. “I’ll call you first thing tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay,” T’oast nodded. He looked a bit disappointed, and that made leaving so much harder. But it was for the best, for now. Hien let go of Toast and started moving towards the door. He was halfway outside when he stopped, turned back around and walked back to T’oast for one more kiss. The final one for the evening.

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “I’m actually going now.”

“It’s okay,” T’oast laughed. “Let’s talk tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow,” Hien agreed, then summoned every piece of discipline drilled into him since he was a child to actually walk through the door. He was out on the streets before he finally let himself stop and look back at the dormitory building. He couldn’t see T’oast, of course, but he still smiled happily. 

Things might get complicated later, but for now he was happy.

***

When G’yozah came back the following day, T’oast was sitting by the window, looking at the people running around outside. He didn’t see the person he wanted to see, but he hadn’t expected to either. It was still early. And besides, he said he would call.

“T’oast? You okay?” G’yozah asked, and T’oast shook himself out of his own head, and turned to give him a smile.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

G’yozah raised an eyebrow. “You sure? You look like you haven’t slept.”

“Yeah, I kinda didn’t,” T’oast said, dragging a hand through his hair.

G’yozah frowned. He put his bag down and joined T’oast by the window. “Did something happen with Shun last night?”

“Yeah, we, um, we kissed,” T’oast said. His face heated up just thinking about it.

G’yozah laughed a bit. “Yeah, I know. I was there.”

“No, I mean...” T’oast said. “After, he came by. We had tea.”

“ _Tea,_ huh,” G’yozah repeated, grinning as he ruffled T’oast’s hair. “And then kissing! _Now_ do you believe me when I say he likes you?”

T’oast laughed. “Yeah, I guess so. He did seem pretty into it.”

“Told you,” G’yozah said. “So how come he’s not here? You guys taking it slow?”

“I guess. We didn’t really talk about it,” T’oast said uncertainly. It was partly why he had been awake most of the night, if he was being honest. “He said he had to go. Probably for the best.”

“If you say so,” G’yozah said, looking unconvinced. 

"So how was your night?” T’oast asked to change the subject. 

“You mean how was X’rhun,” G’yozah laughed. “Dreamy as ever. We spent most of the night going through an old Sharlayan theory of magic. Or, like, X’rhun explained it to me.”

“He’s really serious about this magic-thing, isn’t he?” T’oast said.

“I believe him,” G’yozah pouted. “It’s not like those street magicians or scammy faith healers and stuff. It has scientific basis, and historical evidence.”

“So you’ve told me,” T’oast nodded. “And you said you made the thing glow.”

“Well, I’m not… really sure how that works yet, but yeah,” G’yozah said. “But you believe me, right? You said ages ago you believed in magic.”

“I know enough people believe that there’s a lucrative market for magical artifacts, and I’ve heard enough horror stories about them to believe there’s something there, though most of it is probably fake,” T’oast said, then looked up at G’yozah with a smile. “But yeah, I believe _you_.”

G’yozah grinned back at him, ears wiggling. “You should listen to X’rhun talk about it. He can explain better than I can.”

“Maybe we can have him over for dinner again at some point,” T’oast said. “But-”

He was interrupted by the sound of his tomestone ringing. He almost dropped it in his hurry to answer and G’yozah was laughing at him as he fumbled with it. Finally, he managed to answer.

“Hello, Shun,” T’oast said, trying very hard and probably failing to not sound excited.

“Hi, T’oast,” Shun said. “Could I come by? I could bring breakfast.”

“Sure,” T’oast said. “G’yozah just came home, though, so it would have to be for three.”

“That’s fine,” Shun laughed. “I’ll be there in half an hour.”

“Sounds good.”

T’oast ended the call, to find G’yozah grinning at him.

“Aww, that dorky smile,” he teased. “Must be love.”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” T’oast sighed. 

But Shun was bringing breakfast, so it was _something_ at least.

***

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took a bit longer than expected to get this out, but here we are. Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

Hien regretted not telling T’oast who he was immediately.

Sure, it was nice being just another student, not treated differently than anyone else, but then at least he wouldn’t be in this situation.

He and T’oast were  _ something  _ now. They hadn’t really discussed it or put a label on it, but he was currently making out with T’oast in his and G’yozah’s dorm room, so they were definitely  _ something _ . He was a little afraid of what T’oast would say if he asked him to define it, but Hien knew what  _ he  _ wanted them to be. Boyfriends. Lovers. Maybe one day, if things went well, if things went  _ really  _ well, husbands.

But Hien still hadn’t told T’oast who he really was. There hadn’t really been a good opportunity. He couldn’t exactly tell him in public, and on the rare occasions when they were alone… well, there were other things he’d rather do.

He also had to admit that he was afraid. What he had with T’oast felt fragile, somehow. 

“You’re frowning,” T’oast said, pulling back to look at him. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Hien said, sighing. T’oast was already withdrawing from his arms, and Hien resisted the urge to pull him close again.

“Your face doesn’t say  _ nothing _ ,” T’oast said, biting his lip. They were a bit swollen from kissing, and he looked adorable, but his expression was troubled. “Did I do something?”

“No,” Hien said with emphasis. “I’m sorry, I just have a lot on my mind. It’s not you.”

“Oh,” T’oast said. He still looked troubled, and Hien reached out to gently stroke his hair, leaning over to place a kiss on T’oast’s forehead.

“It’s not you,” Hien repeated, leaning his forehead against T’oast as he gently caressed his chin, running his thumb over the markings under his eyes. “You are so cute.”

“Not all guys like being called cute, you know,” T’oast said with a half-smile, but he leaned into Hien’s touch.

“Handsome?” Hien asked instead, leaning in to lightly kiss his nose, and T’oast laughed.

“No way I can pull that off. Guess I’ll just have to live with cute,” he said. “You’re pretty handsome, though, Shun.”

_ Shun _ , again. It felt wrong from T’oast’s lips, somehow. It was the name he had chosen to go with during his stay in Eorzea, but he hadn’t felt like ‘Shun’ in a long time.

“You’re frowning again,” T’oast said. “What did I say?”

Hien sighed. Maybe it was time. “Listen, about that...”

He trailed off, unsure how to continue. T’oast frowned.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” he said. “But if I say or do something wrong, I want to know.”

“You haven’t done anything,” Hien tried to reassure him. T’oast just nodded, clearly not buying it. Hien reached out for him again, but T’oast withdrew, moving back to the window and the teacups they abandoned earlier. The tea must have been cold by now, but T’oast still drank his.

“I really like you,” Hien said. “And I think you’re adorable.”

“I’m sensing a ‘but’,” T’oast sighed. His ears were low. Hien wasn’t really sure what it meant, but he suspected it wasn’t good.

“Not on my part,” Hien said. “But there’s something—”

Hien’s tomestone rang. He looked at the screen with a frown. She wouldn’t call if it wasn’t important.

“I’m sorry, I need to take this,” Hien said. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”

T’oast nodded, but his ears were still low. Hien quickly closed the distance between them, leaning in to give T’oast a kiss on the mouth.

“I really like you,” he repeated. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Alright,” T’oast said. Hien gently squeezed his hand, then hurried out of the room, closing the door behind him.

“I’m here, what’s the emergency?” Hien answered the tomestone.

“Apologies for the interruption, lord Hien,” Yugiri’s voice said, calm as always, though he could hear her frown in her voice. “You did ask me to update you on the new bill regarding the school system.”

“Oh,” Hien said as he walked. “Right. I had forgotten.”

“You sound distracted, my lord,” Yugiri said. “Is this related to the  _ complicated situation  _ you mentioned last time?”

“Yes. Apologies,” Hien said. “I’m trying to resolve it.”

“You mean, tell her who you are?”

Hien paused. “...him,” he finally said. “I don’t know how you figure these things out.”

“I’m perceptive,” Yugiri said. “But not perceptive enough, it seems. Who is he?”

“His name is T’oast Tia,” Hien said, knowing that Yugiri was likely to do a background check regardless of what additional information he provided. “He’s cute and I like him a lot.”

“I see,” Yugiri said. “Regardless, about the bill...”

She went on about opinions and polls, and Hien listened intently, sighing when she was finally finished.

“I’m going to have to veto it, aren’t I?”

“It seems likely it will pass the vote, yes,” Yugiri said.

“Very well, I’ll prepare the papers when I get home,” Hien said. “This will not be popular.”

“The future generations of Doma will be thankful,” Yugiri pointed out. “I believe you’re doing the right thing.”

“Thank you,” Hien said. “I will talk to you later. Let me know how the situation progresses.”

He ended the call and got on his bike. He thought about the bill all the way home, how to formulate the response and motivate the veto. He wished he could ask for T’oast’s opinion on it. As someone growing up in the public school system and from a poor background, his ideas could be valuable.

_ Next time,  _ Hien decided. Next time he would find the right words, and tell T’oast everything.

***

“Hello?” came Shun’s voice, sounding rough, like he’s just woken up. T’oast mentally kicked himself. It was 2 am. Of course he had just woken up.

“Hi, it’s me. Sorry about waking you,” T’oast said. Calling Shun was probably a bad idea, but too late to think about that now.

“It’s alright,” Shun said, still sounding sleepy. “Are you okay?”

And now he had made him worried. Good job, T’oast. “I’m fine. You live off campus somewhere right?” T’oast said. “There was a fire in our dorm and the fire department wont let anyone back in for a few hours. Could I come crash at your place tonight?”

There was a moment’s pause, then: “Of course. Does G’yozah have a place to stay?”

“He’s going to X'rhun’s place. He did offer for me to come along, but-” T’oast trailed off. “Which I can do if it’s easier, no worries.”

“I’ll come pick you up,” Shun said, and T’oast could hear rustling of clothes in the background. “It won’t take more than 15 minutes at most.”

“Alright, I’m just by our dorm. See you soon.”

T’oast ended the call, shivering a bit in the night air. He was glad he’d gotten his tomestone with him, at least.

“Shun’s place, huh?” G’yozah grinned, and T’oast tried not to blush as he thought about it.

“Yeah, he’s coming to pick me up, whatever that means,” T’oast said. “You can go ahead if you want, it won't take long.”

“Alright, see you later then,” G’yozah said. “Have funnnn!”

He waved and started walking in the direction of X'rhun’s apartment. T’oast nervously shifted his weight from foot to foot as he waited. So, he would spend the night at Shun’s place. That might mean sex, if Shun wanted it to. T’oast thought he might be okay with that. Maybe.

He took a deep breath to calm down. It’s not like he had any clue what Shun’s place was like. He probably had roommates anyway, so nothing would probably happen. Probably.

Some time later, he heard the sound of a motorbike approaching. He paid it no mind, until the bike stopped right in front of him. T’oast stared as the rider took off his helmet to reveal a familiar face.

“Hi,” Shun said, smiling his trademark smile, like this was normal for them. T’oast couldn’t help smiling in return.

“Hi,” he said. “I didn’t know you had a bike.”

Shun shrugged. He got off the bike to give T’oast a brief kiss on the forehead, and suddenly the night didn’t feel so cold anymore. 

“Thanks for coming to pick me up,” T’oast said as Shun handed him the spare helmet. T’oast put it on, feeling his ears getting a bit squished. The helmet clearly wasn’t made for miqo’te, but he wasn’t going to complain.

“Any time,” Shun said. “Hold on tight.”

“I will,” T’oast said, climbing up on the back of the bike as Shun put his own helmet back on. “Are you sure your roomates are okay with this?”

Shun laughed. “It’s alright, I don’t have roommates.”

T’oast frowned, but Shun started the ignition and they were away before T’oast could enquire further. You had to be pretty rich to get a place in Ul’dah without roommates, though maybe he had a tiny place like X'rhun did. Ah well, he figured he would find out soon enough. He held on to Shun, wishing the helmet wasn’t in the way.

Shun turned into the better part of town, but T’oast just figured he was taking the scenic route, past the fancy apartment buildings with guarded fences around them. It wasn’t until Shun stopped in front of one of them that T’oast realised something was wrong. A brief check with the guard, and the gate opened. Shun drove them a bit further in, before parking a bit outside the door. T’oast followed speechlessly as they made their way to the entrance. He saw the marble floors, the receptionist sitting behind her shiny wooden desk, two more guards in uniform _ . And they were letting them pass! _

_ Fuck,  _ T’oast thought.  _ He isn’t part of some big criminal family, is he? My luck can’t be that bad. Can it? _

The elevator stopped, but when it opened there was no corridor with numbered doors. No, it seemed the entire floor was Shun’s apartment, furnished tastefully in doman style, despite the Ul’dahn design on the rest of the building. It was huge, and looked ridiculously expensive. T’oast just stared.

“Are you alright?” Shun asked quietly beside him. T’oast turned to look at him, in his yellow hoodie and worn jeans and old sandals, standing out like a sore thumb against the lavish background.

“No,” T’oast said. “Who are you?”

“Ah,” Shun said, sheepishly scratching the back of his neck. “I thought the place might be a bit of a surprise.”

T’oast laughed hollowly. “No, the bike was a bit of a surprise. But this—,” he said gesturing widely. “What even is this?”

Shun sighed. “Let’s sit down. It’s a bit of a long story.”

He led T’oast to a black leather couch in what probably passed for a living room in a rich man’s world. There was an empty container of cheap cup noodles on the table in front of the couch, and weirdly that made T’oast feel a little better. 

“Okay, Shun,” he said as he sat down, then frowned. “Is Shun even your real name?”

“It is, sort of,” Shun said with a sigh, sitting down beside T’oast, leaving a bit of space between them. “It’s my childhood name.”

“Meaning?” T’oast asked. He didn’t like this. He didn’t like this at all.

Shun looked at him. “I was planning on telling you soon, when I found the right words,” he said. “My name is Hien Rijin. I’m the crown prince of Doma.”

T’oast just stared at him.

His mind had trouble comprehending the words. Of all the things he had expected when seeing this place, that was not it.

“What,” Toast eventually managed.

“I don’t know how much you know about Doma,” Shun, no,  _ Hien  _ , said. “It’s an independent country in theory, but the Garleans control much of the parliament. After my father died I came here, supposedly to study but hopefully also to find a peaceful way to free my country of Garlean influence. While my presence here is a secret from the public, it was negotiated with the Syndicate, which is why I live here.”

T’oast tried to listen. He really tried to pay attention to what Hien said, but the words “crown prince” kept echoing in his brain. It was too much. Far too much.

“Then— then why get involved with me?” he finally managed to ask.

“It wasn’t something I planned for,” Hien said, giving him a small smile. “But I like you. I really like you. And I know this may come as a shock, but I’m still me. And I’m serious about us.”

“Shun—  _ Hien  _ ,” T’oast said, voice shaking just like his hands. “You don’t know me. We  _ can’t  _ be together. You wouldn’t even want to if you—” he cut himself off, biting his own lip in the process. It hurt.

“T’oast, what’s wrong?” Hien asked, actually sounding concerned. “I’m sorry I ended up telling you like this, I should have—”

“No,” T’oast interrupted him. “You don’t get it. You’re a prince, and maybe if I was a normal med student, that would have been fine. Weird, but fine.”

“T’oast—”

“But I’m not,” he continued. “I’m a former criminal, a former prostitute, even. You don’t want this.”

Hien looked at him, eyes wide, and T’oast got on his feet.

“I’m sorry I never told you. I didn’t plan on this either,”he said quickly, words just tumbling out. “Even if you weren’t a prince, I should have realised— I’m so sorry. I’ll just go.”

He started moving towards the elevator, hoping he would actually be able to get out. Maybe they would arrest him in the lobby, if he even got that far. He wasn’t sure he cared.

“Wait!”

A hand landed heavily on his shoulder and he stopped. He turned around to see Hien looking at him, still with concern in his eyes, somehow. His chest ached with the weight of it all. Hien deserved so much better than this.

“I’ll drive you back if you really want to go,” Hien said eventually, voice so unfairly soft. “But the firemen won’t let you into your dorm yet, right?”

“No, but...” T’oast trailed off, eyes turning down to the floor. The very nice wooden floor.

“Come, I’ll show you the guest room,” Hien said, still so gentle despite everything, his hand moving from T’oast’s shoulder to his back, nudging him forward. T’oast followed him helplessly, unable to find the strength to protest. He tried not to look at any of the surroundings he was led through, until finally Hien opened a door and gently pushed him inside.

The room was bigger than his dorm room, with a large double bed, a desk and a wardrobe, everything in perfect condition. And in a corner he could even see the slightly ajar door to an attached bathroom. T’oast wanted to scream.

Hien’s hand was still on his back, warm and firm. T’oast turned towards him, unsure what to say. Hien seemed to share his state of mind, just quietly looking at T’oast for a while. T’oast’s skin prickled under his gaze.

“I still have questions,” Hien eventually said. “But maybe they can wait until morning.”

T’oast nodded. “Sounds good,” he managed.

Hien gave him a small smile as his hand finally fell away from T’oast’s back and he missed the warmth of it right away. “I want the whole story,” Hien said. “But I don’t think you’ve been pretending to be someone you’re not any more than I have, and I haven’t given up.”

“Hien,” T’oast said dejectedly. 

“I’ll see you in the morning, T’oast,” Hien said. “Try to get some sleep.”

He left, and T’oast was alone. Still, Hien was still somewhere nearby, so T’oast stepped into the luxurious ensuite bathroom, turned on the tap with it’s frustratingly good water pressure to drown out any noise, and cried.

***

X’rhun woke up to the sound of his door opening. Confused, he quickly rolled over to look towards the door, but all he could see in the dark was a figure carefully and silently closing the door behind him.

“G’yozah?,” he mumbled, even his sleepy mind telling him that it could be no one else.

“Yeah, just me.” G’yozah’s voice spoke, already closer, and X’rhun closed his eyes again. “Sorry for the late surprise, we had a fire alarm in the dorm and we’re not allowed back in… Can I— scoot in?”

X’rhun hummed, and shifted to the side, holding the blanket up a bit with one hand. 

“Was there a fire?,” he asked, as G’yozah sat down on the edge of the bed and scooted closer. 

“Nahh, but they gotta do all the checks as usual before they can let anyone in. They said it can take hours and I didn’t exactly wanna stand out in the street for that long.”

“I’m glad we made you a key,” X’rhun commented, and hissed as G’yozah rolled closer, his cold hands and feet touching X’rhun’s skin. “I’m sure I could’ve woken you up anyway,” G’yozah responded with a chuckle. “But easier this way, yes.”

The cold arm snaked around him, pulling him closer as the blanket was adjusted to cover them both. And then G’yozah was tangling their legs together, his feet so incredibly cold X’rhun felt a shiver go up his spine and let out a grunt.

“You’re cold,” he muttered, but didn’t make any moves to stop the touch.

“It’s pretty chilly outside, and I stood around making sure T’oast knew where to go too. Told him he could come here too if he wanted. Then the night bus didn’t come for five years.”

X’rhun hummed and then shivered again, as G’yozah pushed his hands into his shirt, cold fingers stroking up his back. There was a soft chuckle next to him, and then a cold nose was pressing into his neck. It felt… surprisingly nice, and he pushed a little closer, moving a hand up into G’yozah’s hair, still mostly stuck in its usual braid.

”I’m sorry I woke you up,” G’yozah whispered, and X’rhun felt his lips against his throat, leaving soft kisses. 

”You can come here anytime,” he mumbled in response, turning his head a little, to give G’yozah more access. He was tired, still half asleep after a long night of work, but the way G’yozah’s slowly warming fingers were rubbing his back, gliding further up, his breath and lips against X’rhun’s neck, and those ice cold toes were pressing against his legs were making him very aware of his body and G’yozah’s presence. Another shiver went up his spine, and this time G’yozah hummed.

”Not so sleepy, are we?,” he asked, and X’rhun could hear the smirk in his voice. 

”I am, but your touches are quite distracting,” he muttered. G’yozah chuckled and then X’rhun couldn’t stop a small moan from escaping as G’yozah dragged his nails down his back and inside the waistband of his pyjama trousers, stopping at the base of his tail. 

”If you want to sleep, I’d stop now,” X’rhun said, fingers tangling into G’yozah’s braid.

”Sleep is overrated, I doubt T’oast is getting any either.” G’yozah’s hand dipped further, rubbing around the base of his tail and X’rhun groaned.

”He went to Shun’s place!” G’yozah’s voice was excited as his leg pushed higher between X’rhun’s. ”I bet he’s finally getting laid.” X’rhun was rolled onto his back now, and G’yozah’s hand was straying dangerously close to the front of his pants.

”Do you have to talk about your roommate while deliberately getting me hard?,” X’rhun grunted, while shifting to allow G’yozah to slot onto him better.

”Deliberately?,” G’yozah said in a questioning tone. ”I’m entirely innocent.” X’rhun would not have needed to open an eye to know that there was nothing innocent about G’yozah’s smirk, but he did regardless. 

G’yozah grinned back at him, and then a hand slid over the groin of his pyjama trousers, making him gasp, before landing on his waistband, fingers curling inside.

”May I?,” G’yozah mumbled, leaning in so close that their lips were almost touching, but only almost. The tease.

”I may put you back outside if you don’t,” X’rhun mumbled back, pushing his hips up against G’yozah’s hand.

”You wouldn’t,” came G’yozah’s response, just before finally kissing him. Familiar and warm, yet exciting, instantly spreading more heat through him. And then G’yozah’s hand pushed and pulled on his pyjama trousers, nudging them down his hips. He lifted them off the bed to help him, gasping into their kiss as his trousers gave way, and G’yozah’s hand wrapped around him instantly.

***

It was a long, sleepless night. Around seven T’oast finally gave up, and left the room. He figured he would be able to find some coffee or something. Maybe make a run for it before Hien even woke up. 

That did not go as he had planned.

Instead, he found Hien on the couch, watching tv with the sound off looking quite like he had not had a single minute of sleep either.

“Hey,” Hien said when he noticed T’oast standing there. “You look tired.”

“You too,” T’oast said. This was what T’oast was doing to him, wasn’t it? Sleepless nights, dark circles, a smile that just made him look more tired. It was all wrong. 

“Do you want coffee?” Hien asked, getting on his feet and stepping closer.

“Actually,” T’oast said quietly, taking a step back. “I think I should go home.”

“Oh.” The tired smile fell off Hien’s face, replaced with a frown that strengthened that ache in T’oast’s chest. “Alright, I’ll drive you there.”

“You don’t have to,” T’oast said quickly, not wanting to be more trouble than he’d already been. And he’d been far too much trouble. More than he ever should have let himself be in the first place.

“It’s a long walk,” Hien said. “I don’t mind.” And something in Hien’s eyes made T’oast give in and nod.

He followed Hien silently down the elevator, to the lobby and then outside, back to the bike. Hien wordlessly handed him the spare helmet, and this time T’oast was almost thankful for the way it covered his face. He felt like crying again.

It would be for the best, for this all to just end. Hien was a prince, and more than that, he was a kind, funny,  _ incredible  _ person, he deserved someone better. Someone with a clean background, who couldn’t be used against him. A good person. Not someone like T’oast.

But he wished it could be him. As he sat there on the back of Hien’s bike, close to him for what was probably the last time, he wished so intently that it could be the two of them. So T’oast held on tightly, fingers clinging to the fabric of Hien’s hoodie, and wished the ride would never end.

Eventually they reached the dorms regardless of his wishes, and T’oast had to let go. It took every bit of determination he had to do it. 

He got off the bike and handed the helmet back.

“T’oast,” Hien said, having removed his own helmet as well. He leaned in, giving T’oast a kiss just above his left eyebrow. When he pulled back, he smiled. “Get some rest. I will come check on you later, okay?”

T’oast could only nod before watching Hien drive away. He was halfway through the door to the dorms when he turned around and walked back out, heading towards the library instead. He waited anxiously outside until they opened at eight, then made a beeline to the social studies section. It didn’t take him long to find what he was looking for.

Armed with  _ A Modern History of Doma _ , published late last year, he finally made his way back home.

When G’yozah came home he had already made it through a large portion of the book, and read certain passages several times.

“That’s where Shun, is from right?” G’yozah asked after seeing the title of the book T’oast was buried in. “Oh, the getting to know each other’s culture-phase has begun! So how was he?”

“His name is Hien,” T’oast said. He flipped to the appropriate page and shoved the book into G’yozah’s face without another word. He’d opened the page with the picture of all the royals. Of a younger Hien, cleanly shaven, in a suit and no scars anywhere. Easy to miss, but unmistakable once you’ve realised.

As G’yozah stared at the picture, T’oast felt the tears start coming again.

“You’re kidding,” G’yozah eventually said, and T’oast laughed hollowly through the tears.

“I know, right? What the fuck?” he said, arm wide. “What the _ fuck! _ ”

G’yozah put the book down and looked at T’oast with a frown. “So… because of that he can’t date you?”

“That’s what I said!” T’oast exclaimed. “But he seems to think it doesn’t matter. I even told him a bit about myself and he still says he hasn’t given up.” T’oast grabbed G’yozah’s pillow, burying his face in it. “What the fuck.”

”But,” G’yozah said. “If that doesn’t like, stop him, why would it matter, like, I figured he might not have a choice but—” He paused briefly. “ I mean i agree what the  _ fuck  _ but—” G’yozah trailed off, looking down at the book again. ”No actually what the fuck he’s a prince you’re practically dating a prince that’s mad, T’oast!”

"Mad is definitely a way to describe it" T’oast groaned. "I just— I don’t know what to do."

G’yozah was quiet for a moment, then sat down beside T’oast on the bed. ”What do you want to do?”

T’oast let himself lean on G’yozah, abandoning the pillow for his friend. “I don’t know,” he sighed. "I like him. I like him a lot. But this is a huge thing."

”I guess it’s pretty big, huh,” G’yozah said, sliding an arm around T’oast’s shoulders. ”But like, was he any different?”

T’oast buried his face into in G’yozah’s shoulder. He felt a bit better now, with G’yozah there.

"Not really, I guess.” T’oast said. “But did you know he has a motorbike? And his place is enormous and there’s private security and marble floors and— it's a lot."

”Seriously? He sure doesn't look like he’d live like that,” G’yozah laughed softly. ”I guess security makes sense though. Wow.” 

He gently stroked T’oast hair in silence for a bit. “But that’s not why you’re panicking, is it?” he finally asked, and T’oast sighed deeply.

“I have to tell him everything,” he said. “He deserves to know.”

“And you don’t think he’ll want you afterwards.”

It wasn’t a question. G’yozah knew him too well sometimes.

“No,” T’oast said. “He won’t. But I have to tell him anyway.” 

***

G’yozah was lazily flipping through the pages of the book about Doma, his other hand still gently stroking T’oast’s hair. T’oast had fallen asleep some time before, but G’yozah hadn’t quite found it in himself to leave him be just yet.

The knock on the door wasn’t entirely unexpected, neither was the person outside when he opened it.

“Your highness,” G’yozah said, giving a small bow for show.

Shun, or  _ Hien  _ he supposed, looked at him with wide eyes for a moment before laughing. “I take it he told you.”

“We don’t keep a lot of secrets,” G’yozah said, stepping outside and carefully closing the door behind him. “He’s asleep. Wanna go get some truly terrible coffee while we wait for him to wake up?”

“Sure,” Hien shrugged, and G’yozah led him to the kitchen. It was a mess as usual, but nobody was around. Too early for dinner, G’yozah guessed.

The coffee was, as always, indeed terrible. G’yozah had experimented with buying different brands for the machine last year, but it always ended up tasting the same. It was good for keeping you awake if you needed to pull an all nighter, but not much else. Seeing Hien struggle not to make a face as he drank it was worth it, though. G’yozah grinned.

“You deliver on your promises, I see,” Hien smiled slightly, setting the cup back down on the table. When he looked back at G’yozah, his expression was serious. “How is he?”

“Before I answer that,” G’yozah said, “how serious are you about him?”

Hien blinked. “Very,” he said. “It’s not— I wasn’t looking for a relationship, but I’m thankful I met him.” Hien sighed. “I realised, of course, that my situation may be something he would not want to get involved in, but I hoped that wouldn’t be the case. I still do.”

G’yozah nodded. “But you didn’t realise he might have his own story to share.”

“I did not,” Hien agreed, frowning. “He was very upset last night.”

“You did spring a lot on him all at once,” G’yozah pointed out, and Hien had the decency to look ashamed.

“I had been planning to tell him, but hadn’t found a good way yet,” he said. “But he seemed more upset about his own background than mine.”

“He has good reason,” G’yozah said. “Or well— I don’t agree with him, but I can understand why he thinks the way he does.”

“You know about it then?”

“Yeah, I do,” G’yozah said simply. There was silence for a bit, then G’yozah finished the rest of his coffee in one go and sat the cup down on the table. “Okay! Three things! One, you know he’s a mess, right? Like, his head I mean.”

Hien looked a little taken aback, but nodded. “I’m starting to understand that.”

“Good. If you want to be with him you need to be prepared for that,” G’yozah said. It wasn’t his place to give any details, but he wanted to make sure Hien knew what he was getting into. For T’oast’s sake. “Two, when he tells you his story, listen to the end, and be gentle with him, okay?”

“Of course,” Hien agreed.

“And three, if you hurt him, and I don’t just mean right now,” G’yozah said. “If you  _ ever  _ hurt him, I don’t care that you’re a prince, I will murder you.” He expected Hien to laugh at him, fully aware of what a cliché moment this made, but it needed to be said.

“Understood,” Hien said seriously, with no signs of laughter, and G’yozah relaxed a little bit. 

“Alright,” he said, satisfied. “Let’s go see if he’s awake.”

Hien followed him back to the room in silence. He looked a little nervous, probably unsure what to expect. G’yozah felt a little sorry for him, but he felt worse for T’oast, knowing how hard he was going to find this. Probably best to get it over with as fast as possible.

T’oast was awake when they entered the room, but he was still sitting in G’yozah’s bed, hair tousled and sleepy eyes. He looked cute, and judging by the sharp intake of breath to his side Hien agreed.

“Guess who came to check up on you,” G’yozah said.

“Hi, Hien,” T’oast said, attempting a small smile in Hien’s direction, but it didn’t quite work. T’oast looked absolutely terrified.

“Hi,” Hien said. “I can come back later, if you need more time. I just wanted to check up on you.”

So Hien had noticed as well. And like the good guy he was, he was trying to give T’oast control over the situation. Except, knowing T’oast, he would just freak out and flee, and G’yozah wasn’t about to let him do that to himself.

“T’oast,” G’yozah said, sitting down beside his friend on the bed. “Just tell him.”

T’oast looked up at, for a moment looking like the scared little child he must have been once. Then, slowly, he nodded.

“Alright,” T’oast sighed. “You better sit down, Hien. This will take a while.”

“I’m in no hurry,” Hien said reassuringly, then opted to sit down on the floor beside the bed, in front of T’oast. “Take the time you need.”

“Alright, okay,” T’oast said, looking a little lost, probably trying to decide where to begin. G’yozah reached and took his hand, squeezing slightly in silent encouragement. T’oast looked at him again, briefly, then took a deep breath and began his story.

G’yozah had heard it before, how T’oast got sold off when he was too young to understand what had happened, how the traffickers made him work for them as bait for more victims, the guy he got killed trying to help him out of it, how eventually he managed to tip off the police and fled in the confusion. T’oast talked about his journey to Gridania, and the ways he found to pay for transport and food after his money ran out, even the things Hariwald made him do. He ended the story with being picked up and placed in a foster home in Old Gridania. G’yozah had heard this story before.

In some ways, it was worse now. The version he told G’yozah last year didn’t have quite so many  _ details  _ . He didn’t want to know the age of the people T’oast had been forced to bait for the traffickers, or how they looked, or what they screamed when they realised what had happened. He didn’t want to know just how early T’oast’s money had ran out on the journey, or how long that journey actually took. He didn’t want to know how T’oast had survived on the streets of the city before getting picked up. But T’oast was determined to paint himself in the worst possible colours, it seemed. Despite G’yozah’s quiet protests every time he blamed himself for things beyond his control, T’oast continued the story in the same manner. His hand was shaking as G’yozah held on, but he wasn’t crying. Not yet.

Hien listened in silence. He kept his promise, and listened all the way to the end, without questions or comments. He was frowning, but beyond that G’yozah didn’t know him well enough to read his expression. When T’oast finished, Hien remained quiet for a solid minute, and G’yozah was just about ready to scream. It was a lot to take in, he knew that, and Hien had his position as prince to consider. If he decided he couldn’t do this after all, G’yozah would get it. He would still kick Hien out and never speak to him again, but he would get it. But the silence was  _ killing _ him. He didn’t even want to imagine what T’oast was feeling.

“T’oast,” Hien finally said, his voice cracking a bit. He reached out to grab T’oast’s other hand, and that was good. That’s was good, right? “T’oast, look at me.”

T’oast slowly lifted his gaze to actually look at Hien, who was more or less kneeling in front of him right now. G’yozah watched as well, preparing a punch. Just in case.

“Throughout that entire time, you were a child,” Hien said. “I understand feeling guilty, but like G’yozah said, you did not have control over the situation.”

So far, so good. G’yozah relaxed his fist again. T’oast, on the other hand, was completely tense.

Hien smiled. “You’re still the same person I fell for. If anything, you’re more impressive for having gone through all that and still ending up a good person,” he said. “And this doesn’t change who you are. I still want to be with you.”

_ Yes!  _ There it was! G’yozah could have cheered, but settled for grinning and giving T’oast’s hand a little squeeze. 

“But,” T’oast said, because of course he did. “But even so, if someone finds out,  _ when  _ someone finds out, and you’re the  _ prince—  _ ”

“If it happens, I’ll be prepared for it,” Hien said calmly, still smiling. “T’oast, I’m not leaving unless you tell me to go.”

“I...” T’oast said, and for a moment G’yozah thought he was actually going to do it, but then T’oast continued. “I don’t want you to go.”

Well, Hien’s smile sure was a sight to behold. G’yozah could see what had made T’oast fall so quickly in spite of himself. Finally, G’yozah deemed it safe to let go of T’oast’s hand, leaving him free to half fall and half get dragged into Hien’s arms. T’oast was crying now, finally, leaning in to Hien’s shoulder, and Hien was holding him tightly.

In other words, G’yozah had been demoted from moral support to third wheel. 

“Well, congratulations, you lovebirds,” he laughed as he got on his feet, making kissy noises just to ease the tension still in the room. He briefly met T’oast eyes in a silent question, and T’oast gave a small nod. Tears were still running down his face, but he was smiling, thank fuck. G’yozah grinned back.

“Well, time for me to go hug my own boyfriend. See you two later,” he said, grabbing his jacket on his way to the door, leaving T’oast and Hien hugging on the floor.

***

T’oast wasn’t sure how long he stayed there, on the floor in Hien’s arms. Hien let him cry it all out, then kissed the last of his tears away, his beard gently scratching at T’oast’s skin. 

T’oast felt  _ loved _ . It was far too early to say it out loud, but he felt it. He felt it surge through him as Hien kissed his cheeks, his lips, his neck. 

At some point, they moved on to the bed. G’yozah’s bed, but T’oast knew he wouldn’t care. T’oast didn’t want to let go of Hien long enough to climb up to his own bed. He would have to let go eventually, he knew that. But not yet. 

Hien lay both of them down, T’oast safe and secure in his arms. They kissed lazily for a while, eventually settling for just holding each other. T’oast was relieved, if he was being honest. If Hien had initiated anything more he would have let it happen, but right now things felt too raw. Right now, he just wanted to be held.

The warmth and comfort had almost lulled him to sleep when he heard Hien say his name.

“T’oast?”

“Mmm?” T’oast answered, face still buried in Hien’s chest.

“I’m glad you swam into me that day in Vesper bay.”

T’oast laughed. “Me too, Hien. Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand that's it for now. Story will continue later, theres a lot of plot we haven't even scratched the surface of yet haha. Thank you so much for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


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